Lessons I Learn As A Young, Mormon Mom 001

This isn't the first lesson I've learned, but it is fresh right now, so it is the first one going on public record.

There is NO SUCH THING AS PERFECT.

In this life, the word perfect is a mere figment, an ideal, a mirage, if you will.  There is no way to find that balance and keep it.  We have a day here and there of what we WISH and HOPE daily life would look and feel like, but it is not the norm, although we claim it to be.

Does that mean I stop trying to attain that perfection of a well-balanced home and family?  No.  It just means I don't have to beat myself up if I don't get it right all the time.  

Today I read an article directed to Stay At Home Moms (SAHMs), and I felt so honored and empowered. I felt like JUST being a stay at home mom was really as amazing as I thought it was.  All over the internet you will find one article or another defending SAHM's, and a few defending career moms.  Insecure much? Most women are, no matter what they do.  Moms are just moms, we make choices every day. And a good mom is one who does what she and her husband think is best for their children.  There is no right or wrong, only good, better, best, and that will be different for everyone.

The other day, a friend commented about how they couldn't do what I do.  She needed her life to be as it was, there was no way she could have her kids as close as I did.  I thought a lot about that over the course of the following days.  What I came to was, you're right, there is no way you could do what I do, you're not me.

I never thought, in a million years that I would have kids this close, or this soon.  But we like to think of ourselves as a God-fearing parents, and when the Lord prompted, we listened.  During each pregnancy I had my fair share of doubts as to my adequacy as a mom.  But I also had faith that if the Lord wanted me to have this child, I would have and develop what it takes to nurture and raise them the way HE intended me to. After all, I am raising God's children, not just my own, and I have been allowed stewardship over these sweet spirits.

There isn't a single right way to be a woman, wife, mom, sister, daughter, grandmother, granddaughter or aunt. Whether that involves working outside the home (as a mother) or not, the point is, that I take pride in what I do, and do it to the best of my ability. Most of all, it is important that I do what the LORD would have me do, and for me that is staying at home with my children. Sure I am able to work at home, but my first priority is to my family, as it is for most working moms as well.  You see, being a mom is hard, no matter how you look at it.  Whether we stay at home or not, we are constantly held responsible for how the house runs.  The home is our domain, it is our territory, and we are the fortifiers of it.  It is a heavy task, but it is ours, and others can only help.  No matter how much society tries to force men into this role, it is against human nature, the husband's role is to equally help and take partnership, but it is my primary role.

I personally believe that while children are in the home, staying at home during their most malleable hours, days, and years is essential.  Does that mean everyone can do this? No.  However, I also believe in the Atonement of Christ.  In cases where the ideal cannot be met, Christ makes up the difference. Grace isn't just for judgement day.  It is for here and now.  We do our BEST and Christ makes up the rest.  There is this Enabling Power to the Atonement, it allows us to see past the world's opinions and zero in on the Lord's errands for us in this day and age, and enables us to fulfill His will for us, despite our obstacles or challenges.

Here and now, I am a young mom, and I will never be perfect.  I will never match everyone's opinion of what a mom SHOULD be.  I can only DO my BEST to be what the Lord intended for me to be.  For right now, that is JUST a Stay at Home Mom (which includes, but is certainly not limited to: Wife, Mother, Taxi Driver, Nurse, Fitness Coach, Chef, Story Time Reader, Teacher, Referee, Horse, Hero, Villain, Imaginator, Friend, Daughter, Sister, Granddaughter, Aunt, Servant, Incubator, Butler, Housekeeper, Student, Grocery Shopper, Singer, Songwriter, CEO, COO, CFO... you get the picture, Trainer, Example, Project Manager, HR, and the list goes on...), and, I must say, I love my job!

"Better" is Relative

Everyone is sooo different when it comes to expectations.

The other day I stopped and pondered an important question for right now in my life, "What does 'better' look like to me?"

The family and I have officially hit survival mode for the remainder of the pregnancy and the subsequent 'post partum period of adjustment'....  so for the next 6-8 months, expectations really just need to take a back seat. From this end, that seems like a long time.... but looking back to the last time we did this, it will go by fast...  Or it will feel like it did when it is over.

Anyway, as we hit this stage of bringing littles into the world, Spencer and I really have to work hard to keep our heads above water.  Being home is helpful, but it's not a cure-all, catch-all.  In some ways, this time is harder, and others it is easier.  For me, it is harder in the sense that I KNOW this isn't the last time we are going to go through this.  It is easier because there are so many things for the kiddos to do to exhaust them into early bedtimes and daily naps or quiet times.  It is also easier being in much better shape this time around.

Today I had my 32/33 week midwife appt, and we scheduled our next visit and the home visit.  I got all the info to order my birthing kit... and I have 3 weeks left in which to get it all ordered to be here in time.

So, all in all, reality is setting in. I find myself really struggling to be OK with our current circumstances, and with the very natural state of my body and mind.  I know this will pass, so that should be what I tell myself in those moments of chaos... but I don't. I give myself such a hard time when it comes to not being able to get it all done.  Like, my family shouldn't suffer or take a back seat because pregnancy is taking it's toll!  I should be able to perform almost normally.  All that should change is the size of belly!  Not my emotions, not the state of my house (Finally had to hire some help on that one), not the ability my joints have to hold my body together, just my belly...  But I guess it is more fun this way.  Having everything you choose to do at this stage of pregnancy be completely determined by all things pregnancy related (do I really have what it takes to clean that mess? Do I really want to cook that meal since it takes longer than 20 minutes? Do I really want to take the kids to the park in 90 degree heat when I will have to be bending over picking up Declan every 5 minutes, or running to his rescue because he wants to run off the side of the play equipment? Can I even fit in the play equipment? And where is the nearest bathroom? Should I pack a snack? I digress...).

So back to the question.  What does 'better' look like to me?  Because I want to find how to make this stage of life better. Especially since this isn't the last time we've gotta get through this.  And if I can find a solution to this stage, I can apply it to everything and every other stage of life.

Some ideas I had come up with were pretty awesome! But then it came down to just a few simple things:

Read
Pray
Go To Church

Read my scriptures on my own, with my family, and with Spencer.

Pray morning, midday, and night. Over my meals, for my sanity, for my children, family, and for my husband. (the order might be a little skewed according to my current situation)

Go to church every week ready to learn! Attend any uplifting meetings that are available to me.  And find people to serve, so I can get out of my own head, and do some good in the world.

The other things I thought of, to name a few, were: go to the pool, go to Sea World, go to story time, do crafts, organize a moms night out... but honestly, they take a lot more effort, and provide a smaller return on investment... Except the moms night out... not sure you can find a better group of ladies than the wonderful friends I have made here! But when I look at the big picture... what is the BEST way to combat the ever changing ebbs and flows?  Keeping the Lord as my foundation in life.

One final thought that summed this all up for me: Sometimes Heavenly  Father calms the storm, but sometimes he lets the storm rage and calms us.