Random Bed Rest Post....

So, if we are Facebook friends, you already know that I am stuck on bed rest. I had started a post over a week ago, before all of this started:

I am down to the end!  These are the most painful 6 weeks of the entire pregnancy.  But they all lead to one amazing thing... my baby!  I cannot wait to meet this little one!

I have been reflecting a LOT on what kind of mother I want to be these days.  I am anticipating quite a shift in energy levels once this baby comes.  But I am determined to do better at keeping it together.  And I will make it OK, this time, to have some hard days.  I am getting a bit nervous.  The last two pregnancies I have had a hard time with Post Partum Depression, but I think it is because of all the unnecessary pressure I put on myself to jump right back into 'normal.'  I know I will want that again this time, but I have slowly been shifting my 'normal' to be more of a constant state of flux (that's for those trekkies :).

As long as my main priorities as a wife and mother are met, I know we will be just fine through this transition.

I am constantly being reminded of what matters most.  I am so grateful to have this opportunity to be down the street from my best friend.  Best friends really do make a huge difference in a woman's life, especially mine.  Especially when you are going through the same stage of life at the same time.

I never finished that post, but little did I know that a week later I would start going into labor.  It was pretty scary, and, ironically, started with the last full moon on June 23rd...  coincidence? Maybe.  So for the next week and a half I am going through every herb and oil I can (not all of them are included in the picture), and I am really beginning to enjoy this wonderful view of my neighbors window... Oh well, pretty soon life will pick up again, and I will miss this quiet time.

When my labor initially started, I figured I needed to drink more water... so I was.  For the next two days I felt changes in my body that I wasn't particularly fond of... especially when the baby dropped.  Finally, on Wednesday I call my midwife. She comes, and checks, and puts my on modified bed rest.  Apparently, modified bed rest wasn't enough.  24 hours later, more progress, more contractions, and more stress led to plain old bed rest... I can't even take a shower but every 2-3 days. I can do nothing actually... And if you know me... I don't really make a habit of sitting still... ever.  This is beginning to be a true test of patience, one I never imagined going through.

My pregnancies are highly uneventful, aside from the excessive amounts of back pain due to some chronic lower back issues.  But even still, that isn't entirely uncommon.  So for my body to start going into labor early, threw me off!  I mean I know the month leading up to this was FAR more busy than it probably should have been, but I really did my best not to over do it.  So either I failed, or Lacy is proving to be a little pistol and wants to come at the world full force!

Whatever the reason for this experience, I am drawn to recognize the blessings in all of it.  I keep thinking back to when I was pregnant with Norah (my 2nd), and I started really diving into the world of pregnancy, labor, and delivery. I wanted a clear understanding of what 'normal' really was according to a woman's body, not popular opinion or belief.  On this road I have come to some amazing conclusions that despite the joy of a pain free delivery, or one that is pushed along with synthetic hormones, my body is already equipped with everything it needs to bring this child into this world.  Heaven forbid I spend more than 24 hours in labor (as it stands now, I have already spent a week in labor... even if it hasn't hit that real 'active' labor as the medical industry likes to call it, since I am still under 6 cm).  The knowledge I have gained to this point has provided me with so much peace... and trust me I have been plenty afraid and panicked this past week...   I know this little one isn't ready yet!  I keep thinking about how if I was any other woman, I would have taken that fear I felt and checked into the hospital when I first started going into labor.  They would have probably sent me home, but with absolutely no tools, other than taking it easy, to slow my labor down. Actually, I don't even know that they would have even recommended I slow down or take it easy at this point anyway.  In TX, they won't stop labor after 32 weeks. Seeing as I am 35, they would have just let the baby come.  Anyway, the point is, that I know the risks, I know that now is not the time, and despite the fact that Dr's and hospitals can handle a preemie, I don't want a preemie.  I feel so blessed to have been drawn to all of the information that has helped me maintain a mindset to keep this baby IN to the best of my abilities.  And if she still decides to come, fine.  But at least I will KNOW, that I am doing everything in MY power to make sure she is the healthiest baby possible!

It is amazing how The Lord will expose us to the information we need for a trial or obstacle, before we will need it.  As long as we do what is right, and remain faithful, He will direct our path!  What a testimony builder for me that my Heavenly Father really does watch over and protect me and my children!  I feel confident that everything will work out, and that this baby will be a wonderful addition to our family!  I will be so excited when she comes, and I know that sitting here in absolute boredom will feel like a second compared to all the joy we will share when she is a part of our family!

Why Am I Healthy??

Why did I choose to change my lifestyle and be healthy??  Well, I might not go into the long list here, or maybe I will... it seems to keep growing....  But I finally put my mind to it because I wanted to be a fit and healthy wife and mom.  I won't lie and say vanity wasn't part of it at all.... when I thought I was going to throw up because the workout was SUPER intense, I would think about how I wanted people to look at all of my kids and then look at me and wonder to themselves if they all came out of my body.

But my main reasons were to have energy to handle all that life threw at me.  There is a certain stigma with stay at home moms, "you stay at home, so you should be able to take care of it all, I mean what else do you do all day?"  And I wanted to make sure I was doing everything I COULD so that when I got to the end of the day I still had energy to PLAY with my kids.

I see so many moms just exhausted and unhealthy and sick and tired ALL the time, and their kids are sick a lot too.  But having the energy to laugh and dance and play with your kids, not only improves YOUR health, but it improves theirs as well. It creates family bonds that cannot be broken and some awesome memories!

I imagine that if I play with my kids now, not only will I learn their awesome personalities and quirks, but they will learn mine too.  We will be best friends, and when they hit their teenage years, I won't regret not having spent more time with them when we had it.

I also want to have enough energy at the end of the day to spend time with my husband as his WIFE, not just the mother of his children.  I want to be able to engage with him like he needs me too, not just hit the floor in exhaustion every night.  That way, when I really am exhausted, I don't feel guilty and he doesn't feel deprived of his wife.  As a result, he plays a much bigger role helping with the kids, because he cares and sees that it is hard work.  He feels more inclined to help because he knows I am not lazy and I am doing everything in my power to do my best.  Likewise, when the house is a mess, he helps clean it! Because he sees that me playing with the kids is FAR more important than cleaning the house.  And strong family bonds are what we will carry with us through the years.

I want to be healthy so I know I have done everything in my power to fight cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and every other diet and lifestyle related illness.  So if that day were to ever come, and I were to have contracted some terminal illness, I KNOW it is the Lord's will, and that I didn't bring it on, or at least I didn't help or abet it in anyway.

I want to be healthy so that when I am a grandma, I can help my kids get through this most difficult stage of raising kids...  that I will actually be able to help my daughters and daughter in law adjust to motherhood.... that I will be able to have the energy to help them with those first all-nighters, whether it be on the phone as they cry wondering what they are doing wrong, or in person giving them a night to sleep and recover as I take over for the night.

I want to be healthy so that Spencer and I can go on missions when we grow up!  And I want to go somewhere AWESOME, and I can't do that if I am all medicated and falling apart!

Most of all, I want to be healthy, so that my family will be too, so I can really provide them the best life I possibly can.

And, so you see, this is why I reach out to so many people to help coach them to a healthier life.  I have found so much joy in embracing a healthier lifestyle.  And my family is so much closer, and so much happier because mama's happy!

Anyway, I don't believe in quick fixes or fad diets. I believe in eating FOOD, and being active! I believe in self-discipline, and taking action to get and stay healthy.  I believe only I am responsible for my success, and only I am to blame for my failures.  This isn't an easy life to start living, it has many hurdles and setbacks in the beginning, but in time, your body and mind are strengthened to the point that you can begin to cross them on your own.  It is my job to help people, well, coach people, through them in the beginning.

If anything, I know reminding myself of this only improves my desire to remain healthy.  But hopefully it will inspire other's to do the same!

"Better" is Relative

Everyone is sooo different when it comes to expectations.

The other day I stopped and pondered an important question for right now in my life, "What does 'better' look like to me?"

The family and I have officially hit survival mode for the remainder of the pregnancy and the subsequent 'post partum period of adjustment'....  so for the next 6-8 months, expectations really just need to take a back seat. From this end, that seems like a long time.... but looking back to the last time we did this, it will go by fast...  Or it will feel like it did when it is over.

Anyway, as we hit this stage of bringing littles into the world, Spencer and I really have to work hard to keep our heads above water.  Being home is helpful, but it's not a cure-all, catch-all.  In some ways, this time is harder, and others it is easier.  For me, it is harder in the sense that I KNOW this isn't the last time we are going to go through this.  It is easier because there are so many things for the kiddos to do to exhaust them into early bedtimes and daily naps or quiet times.  It is also easier being in much better shape this time around.

Today I had my 32/33 week midwife appt, and we scheduled our next visit and the home visit.  I got all the info to order my birthing kit... and I have 3 weeks left in which to get it all ordered to be here in time.

So, all in all, reality is setting in. I find myself really struggling to be OK with our current circumstances, and with the very natural state of my body and mind.  I know this will pass, so that should be what I tell myself in those moments of chaos... but I don't. I give myself such a hard time when it comes to not being able to get it all done.  Like, my family shouldn't suffer or take a back seat because pregnancy is taking it's toll!  I should be able to perform almost normally.  All that should change is the size of belly!  Not my emotions, not the state of my house (Finally had to hire some help on that one), not the ability my joints have to hold my body together, just my belly...  But I guess it is more fun this way.  Having everything you choose to do at this stage of pregnancy be completely determined by all things pregnancy related (do I really have what it takes to clean that mess? Do I really want to cook that meal since it takes longer than 20 minutes? Do I really want to take the kids to the park in 90 degree heat when I will have to be bending over picking up Declan every 5 minutes, or running to his rescue because he wants to run off the side of the play equipment? Can I even fit in the play equipment? And where is the nearest bathroom? Should I pack a snack? I digress...).

So back to the question.  What does 'better' look like to me?  Because I want to find how to make this stage of life better. Especially since this isn't the last time we've gotta get through this.  And if I can find a solution to this stage, I can apply it to everything and every other stage of life.

Some ideas I had come up with were pretty awesome! But then it came down to just a few simple things:

Read
Pray
Go To Church

Read my scriptures on my own, with my family, and with Spencer.

Pray morning, midday, and night. Over my meals, for my sanity, for my children, family, and for my husband. (the order might be a little skewed according to my current situation)

Go to church every week ready to learn! Attend any uplifting meetings that are available to me.  And find people to serve, so I can get out of my own head, and do some good in the world.

The other things I thought of, to name a few, were: go to the pool, go to Sea World, go to story time, do crafts, organize a moms night out... but honestly, they take a lot more effort, and provide a smaller return on investment... Except the moms night out... not sure you can find a better group of ladies than the wonderful friends I have made here! But when I look at the big picture... what is the BEST way to combat the ever changing ebbs and flows?  Keeping the Lord as my foundation in life.

One final thought that summed this all up for me: Sometimes Heavenly  Father calms the storm, but sometimes he lets the storm rage and calms us.