Now I Know and That is That.

This summer has been something of a pivotal moment in my life.  I had no idea turning 25 meant that I quite literally had to grow up!  Haha!

It was full of stresses, heartaches, milestones, and loneliness.  But I have grown so much because of it.  It is a bittersweet moment when one feels at peace with and even grateful for their hardest trials.

What I have learned from this most recent struggle of life is:

1) People can't always take what they give - even if you can be there through another's struggles, it is wise to stay close to the Lord on your own.

2) Try never to ignore a prompting - no matter how hard your own trials may be, you aren't following the Lord's council when you ignore his heeds. In fact, following a prompting may alleviate your own trials, those of the person in need, and help you draw closer to your Savior in your time of need.

3)  There is no way to read minds, but actions speak louder than words.

4)  Only the Savior truly knows what I am going through.  No matter how much I seek council and guidance from those that have experienced similar hardships in life, only the Lord can really speak to my spirit and fill that need.  Through these people he sometimes forms a mouthpiece, but often times peace and answers comes during the quiet moments we are alone and seeking His guidance thoroughly in our lives.

5)  I am blessed with an amazing Eternal Companion who loves me in all my moments.  Yes, some moments are a little more annoying than others, but he loves me all the same.

6)  I have children that look up to me, love me unconditionally, and rely on me for stability and comfort.  They depend on me completely, I cannot distract myself with nonsense.

7)  I never want to hear that I put someone else in the shoes I filled this past summer, and I hope to never make another negative comment about someone especially when I feel wronged or justified. I need to give the benefit of the doubt.

8)  'Friend' is a very relative term, and is used way too loosely.  I am feeling very cynical about this subject right now.

9) Being pregnant 3 times in 3 years really throws someone's hormones out of whack, I didn't know what depression was until after I had my 1st baby....  Now I want more than anything to forget it!

10) Telling the truth doesn't mean you need to give all the back story... avoid sharing your struggles during a moment that is intended to be uplifting. The Lord knows our struggles, often times conversations will be enlightening to our current struggles, without indulging in our own self-pity.

So through all of this I have had to come to peace with the fact that most relationships are best kept at arms length. And there will be only 1 or 2 that will surpass that, including your spouse.  If you can say that you have at least one TRUE friend when you die, you had a good life.

I would like to say, that if I died today, I have a good life!

Oh Friends

Being home for a visit gave me a different perspective on what's important in life.

I left Utah feeling like I didn't really have any close friends. I have friends, but I didn't really feel that emotional connection one misses when they are away. I know there are a handful of people that I care about and vice versa, but I still felt out of place.

Since being back I have determined that in order to feel differently I guess I need to wedge my way in to the social circles and figure out where I fit in. It hasn't been easy so far, but we will see what happens. I guess life is just too busy for Utahns cuz when I try to get people together it just doesn't really work out... Oh well.

I miss my friends and family. Alas, at least I have fond memories to look back upon.

On another note, I learned a helpful insight during Sunday School while I was home.

The Lord allows us to make choices according to our agency. Through the Atonement we can be spared the harsh consequences of others' bad choices, IF the Lord sees fit. I know He has the power to spare us harsh consequences, but it may not be His will for me at the given time.