Goal Surpassed!!

As pretty much everyone knows I am currently obsessed with reaching my ultimate health and fitness goals.  When I first started my journey before I even got pregnant with baby #1 I was 150.  For my frame and height 115 is more the ideal weight for me.  I used to tell myself I would be happy at 130 if I was at least in shape.  What I didn't realize was that 'in shape' would shed a lot more pounds and inches than I thought.  After Baby #2 I started hittin' things hard and finally got to my size 8 and 128 lbs.  After Baby #3 I hit it even harder and I am finally at 118-120, and a size 4/6.  I am so much smaller than I ever anticipated and I can't believe it.  I have been working so hard to lose it all and it is finally paying off!  Hard work and dedication REALLY pay off!

Picture one is me at 145 and a size 10/12, picture 2 is me at 122 and a size 4/6.  I have lost almost 4 pounds since that 2nd picture was taken, and the best part is NO MUFFIN TOP!  I mean I still have a little bit of a pooch from being prego, but over the last couple months it has been tightening back to normal... FINALLY!  Haha!  I know I know, I ONLY had a baby 7 months ago...  But to me it has been a 4 year journey with several 9 month breaks.... so I feel a little anxious for everything to finally be where I want it to be.

After the first picture I started a program called the 60 Day Slim Down by Moms into Fitness and lost about 22 pounds, and like I said before, got to a size 8, before getting pregnant with Baby #3... which was a minor yet rewarding set back!

When I first started ChaLEAN Extreme after my 3rd pregnancy, at 2 months post partum, I was at 28.4% body fat- according to the system of measurement I am using- and now I am 20.3%.  I have no ultimate goal as far as the numbers go, I just want to feel great and be able to do whatever I want.  I love that I can rearrange my furniture mostly by myself... still can't move the piano alone... haha!  I love that I have enough energy to play with my kids at 6 pm after a full day of go, go, go!  I love that I can toss my 30 pound daughters up in the air and catch them without hurting my shoulder (for those who don't know me, I have had an injured shoulder since I was 17 and it got worse after baby #1 because I carried her all the time). I love that I no longer feel lower back pain, sciatica-type feelings in my legs, or burning in my feet every night just from doing normal day to day things.  I feel strong for once in my life!

I really never believed all those silly Beachbody infomercials, nor did I think the success stories with their programs were typical.  Well, after 100 days (it took me 10 days longer to finish my 90-day program) of colds, pinkeye, husband changing jobs, buying a new car, traveling in a car with 2 adults and 3 children 3 and under across country... twice, 3 stomach bugs because I can't stay away from junk or dairy, being out of my house for 3.5 weeks and working out in another home, AND nursing a baby, I know those results are typical.

I hope that my journey will inspire others that feel like they are standing in front of one giant road block after another.  I felt this way countless times, I can't tell you how many different weight loss methods I tried before settling on eating clean, Shakeology, ChaLEAN Extreme and now P90X.  I have changed how I eat- mostly plant based- and I love Shakeology and how much nutrition is packed into that one scoop!  My marriage is stronger because I am more confident and waaay less moody and needy!  It is amazing how pain and being overweight lead to depression and anxiety... our bodies need to be healthy!

Anyway, That's my story!  So far....

Now I Know and That is That.

This summer has been something of a pivotal moment in my life.  I had no idea turning 25 meant that I quite literally had to grow up!  Haha!

It was full of stresses, heartaches, milestones, and loneliness.  But I have grown so much because of it.  It is a bittersweet moment when one feels at peace with and even grateful for their hardest trials.

What I have learned from this most recent struggle of life is:

1) People can't always take what they give - even if you can be there through another's struggles, it is wise to stay close to the Lord on your own.

2) Try never to ignore a prompting - no matter how hard your own trials may be, you aren't following the Lord's council when you ignore his heeds. In fact, following a prompting may alleviate your own trials, those of the person in need, and help you draw closer to your Savior in your time of need.

3)  There is no way to read minds, but actions speak louder than words.

4)  Only the Savior truly knows what I am going through.  No matter how much I seek council and guidance from those that have experienced similar hardships in life, only the Lord can really speak to my spirit and fill that need.  Through these people he sometimes forms a mouthpiece, but often times peace and answers comes during the quiet moments we are alone and seeking His guidance thoroughly in our lives.

5)  I am blessed with an amazing Eternal Companion who loves me in all my moments.  Yes, some moments are a little more annoying than others, but he loves me all the same.

6)  I have children that look up to me, love me unconditionally, and rely on me for stability and comfort.  They depend on me completely, I cannot distract myself with nonsense.

7)  I never want to hear that I put someone else in the shoes I filled this past summer, and I hope to never make another negative comment about someone especially when I feel wronged or justified. I need to give the benefit of the doubt.

8)  'Friend' is a very relative term, and is used way too loosely.  I am feeling very cynical about this subject right now.

9) Being pregnant 3 times in 3 years really throws someone's hormones out of whack, I didn't know what depression was until after I had my 1st baby....  Now I want more than anything to forget it!

10) Telling the truth doesn't mean you need to give all the back story... avoid sharing your struggles during a moment that is intended to be uplifting. The Lord knows our struggles, often times conversations will be enlightening to our current struggles, without indulging in our own self-pity.

So through all of this I have had to come to peace with the fact that most relationships are best kept at arms length. And there will be only 1 or 2 that will surpass that, including your spouse.  If you can say that you have at least one TRUE friend when you die, you had a good life.

I would like to say, that if I died today, I have a good life!

Oh Friends

Being home for a visit gave me a different perspective on what's important in life.

I left Utah feeling like I didn't really have any close friends. I have friends, but I didn't really feel that emotional connection one misses when they are away. I know there are a handful of people that I care about and vice versa, but I still felt out of place.

Since being back I have determined that in order to feel differently I guess I need to wedge my way in to the social circles and figure out where I fit in. It hasn't been easy so far, but we will see what happens. I guess life is just too busy for Utahns cuz when I try to get people together it just doesn't really work out... Oh well.

I miss my friends and family. Alas, at least I have fond memories to look back upon.

On another note, I learned a helpful insight during Sunday School while I was home.

The Lord allows us to make choices according to our agency. Through the Atonement we can be spared the harsh consequences of others' bad choices, IF the Lord sees fit. I know He has the power to spare us harsh consequences, but it may not be His will for me at the given time.

So close!!

I am twelve pounds from my goal!!!! The pictures of me in my pink shirt are taken four months post partum baby number two. The work out clothes are today, four months post partum baby number three!! Hard work pays off!

Life

This last week was quite the roller coaster for our family.  I don't even know where to begin.  Spencer's old job, the one he quit right after Memorial Day, is refusing to give him his last pay check.  It's a mess. I think I lost weight this week just because of it.  When I get REALLY stressed, I actually don't eat.... at all.  Luckily, I am nursing, so I did eat, but just enough to keep things functioning.  I am so much smarter about how a couple of government agencies work though...  really slow, and they can barely help me.  Why do I pay taxes?  I am about to lose my mind!  Oh well, there is nothing I can do but be patient at this point.  On a brighter note, the Lord has blessed us GREATLY!  We are surviving because of the Lord's Tender Mercies.  I am grateful for this, and Spencer's new job.  Life is looking way better for us these days because of it, and Spencer is no longer under the same amount of stress and he gets home an hour and a half earlier every day now.  We love it.

As far as the working out.  I am still doing it!!  I take measurements and pictures on Tuesday!! I start my last phase of this 90 day program and I am stoked!  I feel so much skinnier and my clothes are all baggy!!  I can't wait til the end of the program!!  I will post pictures!!  It is time to GET LEAN!!

I can't wait til Friday, when Spencer's new job pays him...  I hate that he earned two weeks of pay and hasn't received it...  grrr....

Things I Love

1) I love my husband, and how he makes my day just by smiling at me.

2) I love my babies, and how I can kiss every owie and make them happy just because I'm their mommy.

3) I love my parents and how they help me, even now, focus on what's important in life.

4) I love my friends, and how they uplift me and let me know I'm never alone.

5) I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ and His Atonement. It is only through this that I can become who my Father in Heaven has intended for me to be.

6) I love chocolate... Haha, had to throw that in there!

7) I love that through all my shortcomings, the Lord still blesses me everyday!

And on a less spiritual note:

8) I LOVE paid time off!! We got to go on our first family outing that we didn't have to "pay" for! It was such a blessing! Yay for A better job!

COOKIES!!!

I have been SOOOOO bad this past week!  I had lost 4 pounds last month during the first phase of my 90-day day Beachbody challenge, and I am pretty certain I put them all back on... I am afraid to find out.  My clothes still fit the same, but I feel TERRIBLE!!

I had been feeling great until all the stresses of the last two weeks caught up with me.  Darn you, stress-eating!  I have never been quite the victim of stress-eating as I have been these last two weeks.  I have been revolving around those darn fundraiser cookies.  So I cooked up the rest of them today, and what doesn't get eaten by my family is going straight into the trash!  It is sooo disgusting!  I used to eat like this ALLL the time!  I don't remember feeling this gross... although, I do remember being this depressed... I am certain it's related.  And to top it off, I missed three workouts over the past two weeks, and I am feeling it!

I need something different.  I feel like trying a strictly whole food, plant-based diet... not added oil or sugar...  ONLY good things!  Granted, we are mostly plant-based, but we sure do pack on the non-dairy butter, and eat a TON of things cooked with oil.  Anyway,  until I can find an appropriate balance I really feel my body BEGGING me to go back to the basics... at the least, I hear it begging me to stop eating all those stinkin' cookies!

Moving on...

As a mom, I struggle to find my individuality.  I have been feeling so run-down lately, and while a lot of the physical run-down-ness is due to my poor diet choices, the rest is simply because I feel like I am falling short in everything I am trying to accomplish.  I find myself basing my success on someone else's health or mood.  The best I can do or give simply isn't good enough, even though it is.  My success cannot be measured be the way things around me are running... but that is how I see it.  If my house is a mess, so is my mind; if my kids are sick, so is my spirit; if Spencer is upset, it's all my fault.  I struggle finding a way to keep myself together if everything around me is falling apart.  Who am I?  I know I am a wife, a mom, a daughter, and a sister; but where did Ashley go?  I used to have so many interests, opinions, and hobbies that had nothing to do with family...  not that I miss those by any means, but I feel like I haven't replaced things with my own stamp yet.

I am a wife and a mother first, for sure. But I think it is time the fun bubbly Ashley come out every once in a while. Just for sanity's sake. That is all...