Paradigm Shift

One of the most difficult phrases for me to stop saying as a spouse and parent is "You Make Me..."

- You're making me mad!
- You drive me crazy!
- You make me so angry when you don't listen.
- You make me sad when you do this.

This is a terrible phrase.  The reality isn't that anyone makes me anything. I choose to be mad, angry, crazy, frustrated, impatient, sad, etc.  I can ALSO choose, to take a breath, walk away, admit I am losing my patience, change my attitude, and so much more. I can choose to laugh about something, or look at it from an entirely different perspective.

If you have kept up with my blog, you have noticed a trend with all this decision making....  I choose to be what I am and how I feel.  This has proven to be a harder lesson to learn, but I am still learning it.

My visiting teachers (a couple ladies from my church that come and catch-up, visit and share a Christ-like message with me each month) came by yesterday.  The first one that showed up hasn't seen me or visited with me in years (since I have been in Utah for the past 5) so we were catching up quite a bit.  Throughout our conversation I was once again brought back to the subject of choices....  I can choose how to feel about my situation.  I can choose to change my situation. I can choose to look at my situation from a completely different perspective.

Often I find myself thinking in the terms of so and so makes me feel this way, or this event made me feel like that.  I don't do it on purpose, of course.  However, I think that most of the world thinks and acts according to this small perception of life.  That our attitudes and circumstances are affected by how something made us act and feel as we did.  I am not sure if I am making any sense.

What I am trying to say is.... That if I can first change my paradigm, or the way in which I ought to think and act, I will no longer be drawn to use those forbidden phrases.  After all, my children need not grow up to think that they had anything to do with the choices I made. Of course, our choices affect one another, especially within the family unit, but they do not determine our individual actions and choices.

If I stop thinking those things, I will stop feeling those things, or reacting in such a way as to allow my surroundings to change my mood... rather I will change my own surroundings to match the mood I create for myself... make more sense?

Enough rambling.  Stay positive, control my attitude, and things will be better. The end!

Here are the quotes from conference talks that sparked this chain of thought:

"In all of this, I suppose it goes without saying that negative speaking so often flows from negative thinking, including negative thinking about ourselves. We see our own faults, we speak—or at least think—critically of ourselves, and before long that is how we see everyone and everything. No sunshine, no roses, no promise of hope or happiness. Before long we and everybody around us are miserable." - Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, The Tongue of Angels General Conference April 2007

"Despite the changes which come into our lives and with gratitude in our hearts, may we fill our days—as much as we can—with those things which matter most. May we cherish those we hold dear and express our love to them in word and in deed." - President Thomas S Monson, Finding Joy in the Journey General Conference October 2008

And the best for last :)

"Brothers and sisters, no matter our circumstances, no matter our challenges or trials, there is something in each day to embrace and cherish. There is something in each day that can bring gratitude and joy if only we will see and appreciate it.

Perhaps we should be looking less with our eyes and more with our hearts. I love the quote: “One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes.”⁷

We are commanded “to give thanks in all things.”⁸ So isn’t it better to see with our eyes and hearts even the small things we can be thankful for, rather than magnifying the negative in our current condition?

The Lord has promised, “He who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold.”" - President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Of Regrets and Resolutions General Conference October 2012

I Love New Houses!!

There is something entirely liberating that comes from unpacking in a brand new house! You get to organize and declutter box by box. And it's not nearly as overwhelming once the kitchen and beds are done. The best part is moving into a bigger house and having less stuff than what you had in your previous one.

I started out today with not a single expectation as to who would be here or how much would get done. I asked no one for help, I only presented the opportunity and those that came, came. We managed. It was much less stressful than past moves. It was only my family here, so I think that's why. Anyway, as a result of the low stress levels and my different perspective on life in general, it was much easier not to feel like I needed to over see every project. I stayed in the kitchen, since that is the room I'm in the most, and let others do what they could. And I was able to unpack the whole thing with my sisters wonderful help! Nothing like a clean kitchen!!

On a totally fun note, Mr D is sooo close to walking its amazing! Tonight was the first night in a loooong time he fell asleep in my arms. I loved it so much. I loved when he snuggled into me to listen to me sing to him. I loved his little giggles when I tickled the back of his arm. It was a special moment. I wish I'd had my phone to take a picture!

My kids love this place! I'm so excited to get settled! We don't have a TV in this house... I'm anxious to see how that changes the feel. We will need something for the Wii eventually, but for now, I think we'll enjoy the quiet from the world and the fun of our imaginations!

New houses are fun!! Today's been a good day! It's good to be home!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

My beautiful baby boy turned 1 today!!  I love him so much.  I was told so many times that there is such a special bond between mother and son.  And I have to agree.  I love my little D and the awesome blessings he has brought into my life.  I can now say I have a 3, 2 and a 1 yr old! lol!  I am living it up!

My favorite things about him:
- He ALWAYS gives me a good snuggle when I pick him up for the morning or from a nap.  The kind where he latches his arm around mine and nestles into my shoulder.
- He says Mama when he needs me or more food. haha!
- He crawls to me when I am on the floor with him and gives me a big hug and will settle into my lap.
- He loves his daddy so much and will be so excited and snuggle him when he gets home
- He is always so happy
- He is sooo patient, he will barely whimper for a good 20 minutes when he is hungry or tired before he actually starts to whine.
- He LOVES seeing his sisters in the morning!
- He smiles even when he is sick
- He is a climber
- He is such a loving and good natured spirit. Perfect for balancing out the strong spirits in the family ;)
- He has the most kissable cheeks and cutest dimples! When I get both of them to show I have done something right!
- He is my little Mama's boy!
- Last but not least, when I look into his beautiful Hazel eyes I am constantly reminded as to why he is here and how much he loves me.

I love my little man!

It's a good thing relationships are NOT math equations.

I love going out with Spencer when we aren't too tired to talk. I've been struggling with a current situation that I've somehow created for myself, and he really helps me talk it out so I can make sense of things.

A thought I had while conversing tonight is, you can multiply as many positive numbers together and always get a positive answer, but you multiply one negative number in there and the solution then becomes tainted with a silly negative sign (math whizzes, I know two negatives equal a positive but my analogy stops with one).

Much like 100 truths can solidify a theory or hypothesis, but one fallacy causes the entire thing to bust.

Anyway, it's a good thing relationships don't work this way. Or that we have the power to control our perceptions or solutions to problems we face.

It's a good thing that even when someone does or says one wrong or hurtful thing, we have the power to choose the way it will affect us. No one is perfect. Tolerance is a commandment. We should always give the benefit of the doubt.

Recently, a family member said something that I had a really hard time with. It took me two days of really talking it out, praying, focusing on the positive, and trying to understand the other perspective, before I could get rid of all the animosity I felt. Now, I sincerely understand that what I heard was not what they meant. It's a great feeling being able to know that I can let go simply by choosing to be positive. I chose to focus my energy on appreciating the positive components of that time instead of the one negative thing that happened.

It's great to be able to choose your own solutions.

And another thing, sometimes we feel that urge to just blurt things out to another person because we are in the heat of the moment. And most of the time it ends badly. As in the case with my family member... For those two days I just had this letter brewing in my mind that I was determined to write and send. I was going to stick up for myself and really make them feel the rudeness of their comment. But after I got to that point of freedom, after I released myself from the animosity I chose to shackle myself with, I realized that absolutely nothing positive would have come from giving a piece of my mind or even defending myself.

Actually just two days ago... I did give a piece of my mind to an even closer family member, and at the end I vocally admitted that no good came of saying what I thought, I felt no better about anything in our current situation. Further verification that some things should go unsaid. Always.

Anyway. Here's to learning a valuable lesson.

If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all.

And lastly, if you have to let it out. Write it on a piece of paper and burn it afterwards... Or, if you like making sail boats out of paper, and a river or stream is close by, watch your bad thoughts and feelings sail away!

Perfect Love

I was driving back to my parents and you know those churches that have quotes up during the week to get you thinking?  There is one just down the street a ways.

Today it read:

PERFECT LOVE
CASTS OUT
SELFISHNESS

I have been thinking about it a lot since I read it.  Often times I focus on being 'less selfish' or 'not selfish at all.' Now, I am going to think of it as 'loving more' or 'loving perfectly.'  I think that is a much easier way to think of it.  Give myself a list of do's instead of do not's.  Anyway, thought I would share that little tidbit!

Blessings to those in need

Tonight we had the opportunity to meet someone selling their fridge. But the circumstances surrounding how we came across it are amazing.

We are getting a barely used fridge with so many extra features for less than 1/4 the cost. And the owner finally gets it off her hands and doesn't have to lug it around anymore.

It's a win win. But the amazing part is, she needed to get rid of that and her lease all in the next couple if weeks and literally within days of finding out she was getting a job closer to her family, they were both taken. Our Heavenly Father works in amazing ways.

It was so nice meeting another Christian woman. She shared some amazing thoughts about her circumstances and recognized The Lord's hand in all that was taking place in her life. I loved it.

It gave me yet another confirmation that I am where I'm supposed to be. And, yes, with our house paperwork taking forever to finalize the question has crossed my mind a few times.

On the other hand, maybe if it takes a little longer we will find a great deal on a washer and dryer!!

Never Take Anything For Granted

The First Lesson:

This past weekend was a growing experience for our little family.  My 2nd cousin's dad passed away from heart failure due to complications from a surgery and previous stroke.  Although, he didn't pass away until last Tuesday, he was basically gone from the moment he had his stroke a couple years ago.  Of course everyone hoped he would make a full recovery, but a week shy of his 61st birthday his heart stopped.  It was a very emotional time for my parents. My dad grew up with both his cousin and her future husband, and he shared many memories with them.  He was a groomsman at their wedding.  When I was little, my 2nd cousin and I were nearly inseparable, but all of that's changed now.  We barely know each other past Facebook, and the last time I saw her was almost 10 years ago.  Wow.  Time flies.

The funeral was a few days after his passing, and unfortunately I was not able to reconnect with the family in attendance due to matters beyond my control. I spent the entire journey back home contemplating the real inconvenience of the matter. Had that not been my first chance to reconnect with my family since my Uncle's passing, I don't think I would have been nearly as bummed.  Yes, we have been living in Utah and visiting hasn't exactly been an option, but it can be now.  I resolved to spend more time figuring out ways to visit family even through the inconvenience of carting my kids around the state.  I should not take this for granted.  Family time here on earth is very short, and it really is the only thing that matters in this life, family I mean.

So my take away from the weekend was to appreciate the time I was able to spend with my Grandpa while we stayed with him, since that was the only extended family member I was really able to spend more than 5 minutes with.  And to appreciate the fun connection that my kids made with their Great-Grandpa!  They love him, and they can't wait to see him again.  So much time has passed since I was their age and couldn't wait to see Grandpa again, and I am so glad my children get enjoy the same joys and anticipations!

I love being close to my family, it is teaching me not to take it for granted... or, perhaps, my time in Utah taught me not to.

The second lesson:

On our way back home from the funeral we found out that a dear friend of mine from Utah had only just found out her youngest son (2 yrs old) has Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (ALL).  And the treatments for this are going to be loooong and drastic.  Chemo will start right away and last for years.  There is a hope that he will have a full recovery, with a 90% cure rate, but it is devastating.  Cancer.  This family has always been an example to me, and I love my friend to pieces.  She had her children fairly close, but as I remember her, she always seemed to have it together, even through the chaos of life!

They knew something was up with their son as he was always getting sick, but they never even thought of cancer.... how many parents actually think of that?

The whole world seemed to be narrowing in when I found out.  I had the sudden urge to drop everything to be by her side.  Luckily, we come from a great neighborhood of amazing people all stepping up to help this wonderful family!  But it really taught me that life is really all about family.  We should never take them for granted.  My friend's life will drastically change from here on out, but she has been the greatest example to me of putting family first, she hasn't taken her sweet family for granted, and now she is being blessed with so much support through this difficult time.

Through these stories and experiences I have done a great deal of reflecting.  Family is first and foremost, but friends do help a lot!  I have decided that there is a difference between being positive and being private.  Being completely private through great trials rarely helps me, but being positive is key when sharing anything personal.  I am trying very hard to be a glass half full type of person, and although I am no longer an open book, I have decided that I won't be a closed one either.  Life is too short to sweat the small stuff, and it is too long to go it alone.  Family and friends are here to help one another through this sojourn on the earth.  And what better people can we share our precious time with than those we hold dear!?

I am so blessed to have a wonderful husband and children who love me and help me be a better person! I am blessed to have amazing examples in my family and friends, and so much support!

Life is short! Make it sweet!

Small steps

I think I need this reminder the most right now. All the terrible non-plant-based eating of late really makes me feel bleh. Not a fan. Here's to getting back on track!

A Break :)

We moved back to Texas two looong months ago. And it's been a very eventful two months. I am constantly being reminded that this was, indeed, the right decision for our family. Not sure if its the 70 degree weather or just the fact that this is where we need to be ;) I sure miss the friends I had in Utah, and the awesome neighborhood we lived in! But I'm excited to plant roots!

I've already had so many opportunities to share my beliefs and connect with other people with similar goals and interests as me. I love it here! I love the feeling of home. Now... If only we can get one settled for ourselves.. I wouldn't complain about moving out of my parents! It's been nice to see huge numbers in our checking account, but it's all spoken for so it's not really there... It's still nice though :)

Through these last couple months, and the most exhausting part of pregnancy, I've only had two half days of total meltdowns. I have been putting so much effort into recognizing that my irrational, emotional reactions to stress are induced by my pregnancy, and I am able to contain and change my attitude so much easier this time around. Knowing that it's just my calling in life to have these babies this close helps a lot too. I've had to pray... A lot... For peace through this whole process of moving, new job, and new baby. I don't appreciate change like some, but I'm sure I do more than others.. All the same, I will love being settled!

This weekend Spencer and I had our first overnighter since September. It was just what we needed! The stress has definitely been a struggle, and having a day where I was only responsible for myself was a real treat. I certainly enjoyed coming back and loving on all my babies :) they really bring so much joy to my life!

Being a mom is harder than I had anticipated, but that's OK. It has taught me to stop anticipating so much and to just have Faith that if you are doing what The Lord asks or requires of you, you'll be just fine. We will be just fine!

I love my family, I love growing up, and I love my life :)