I have to say, looking for a place to live is not my favorite thing... I know I would be happy with any house above my price range, so what? It is very hard to be objective when I am emotionally compromised. It is times like these, where I suppose I should sit down and really think about what is most important. But, sitting down right now is not an option. Our lives have been so full of change these last 5 years that I am just not certain of a whole lot right now... do we find a house that will suit our needs for right now, or do we try to get into a place for the long haul?
We really don't want to move again anytime soon, but past experience has taught us to be prepared for change.... all the time!
Just last week I found out we are expecting AGAIN. And even though we are both really excited (and apparently not waiting to let the world know) it proves my point.
I was reflecting on just how much we have accomplished these last 5 years... or changed... or added... and I was thinking about how many couples dissolve over the slightest amount of change.... and we have only drawn closer through it all. I really love my life. It feels like a whirlwind most of the time, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Being back home, I have a lot of people tell me I've got my hands full... so far no one says it in a negative way, just an observant one. It helps that my kids are cute and Alice is so social. Anyway, I can only imagine what people will say when I have another one.. lol...
Ok I suppose since I am finally sitting down, I ought to get to that list.... or a nap.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Friday, December 14, 2012
Sooo Tired
You know those days when you are going strong all day and then you sit down and feel like you haven't slept in a few days? Today has been one of those days.
Although, I am too excited to sleep!
Spencer gets in at 3 am, but I know I won't make it until then, I probably won't even make it to 9. But I am too excited to see him :)
I think I am going to try and conjure up a 'healthy' snack and pick a movie to fall asleep to, so I am close to the front door when he comes in.
Today has been so full of getting things in motion to buy a house. We even looked at a few today! I was excited and I have to say, the one that is under contract... I kinda hope it falls through, because I want THAT one! The kitchen was FULL of cabinets and cupboards and tons of granite counter space. It was awesome! Anyway, some day I will have a glorious kitchen. Someday. For now I just need one that I can spend all day in... because let's be honest... I really spend most days in the kitchen.... Anyway, I know the right house will pop up for the right price, but at least we have narrowed down the where! I can't wait to move. I can't wait to be settled! But most of all, I can't wait to be together!
K off to pick a movie! or a book... hmmm. decisions...
Although, I am too excited to sleep!
Spencer gets in at 3 am, but I know I won't make it until then, I probably won't even make it to 9. But I am too excited to see him :)
I think I am going to try and conjure up a 'healthy' snack and pick a movie to fall asleep to, so I am close to the front door when he comes in.
Today has been so full of getting things in motion to buy a house. We even looked at a few today! I was excited and I have to say, the one that is under contract... I kinda hope it falls through, because I want THAT one! The kitchen was FULL of cabinets and cupboards and tons of granite counter space. It was awesome! Anyway, some day I will have a glorious kitchen. Someday. For now I just need one that I can spend all day in... because let's be honest... I really spend most days in the kitchen.... Anyway, I know the right house will pop up for the right price, but at least we have narrowed down the where! I can't wait to move. I can't wait to be settled! But most of all, I can't wait to be together!
K off to pick a movie! or a book... hmmm. decisions...
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Almost Reunited
As Spencer and I's anniversary approaches I find myself reflecting a lot over the many changes we have gone through during our short 5 years together. But they have been a FULL 5 years! We have had 3 kids in that 5 years. We have gotten Spencer through school. We have moved across country... 4 times... We have purchased our first home and 3 cars (not at the same time). Spencer has been Elder's Quorum President for a year (during the transition from a couple to a family). Oh and a Scoutmaster for 2. We have COMPLETELY changed how we eat. And we have made some AMAZING friends.
So much more has happened, but the point is, I am so glad we have eternity together! I love this man, and he makes me happier than I could have ever hoped for.... he also drives me crazier than anyone ever will, but that is the best part! Well, the best part is, that we love each other so much through our imperfections that I am becoming a better person. I want to be a better person. I want to show him I love him as much, if not more, than he shows me. He's great! I can't wait to see him! Being apart this past week has been killer!!
So much more has happened, but the point is, I am so glad we have eternity together! I love this man, and he makes me happier than I could have ever hoped for.... he also drives me crazier than anyone ever will, but that is the best part! Well, the best part is, that we love each other so much through our imperfections that I am becoming a better person. I want to be a better person. I want to show him I love him as much, if not more, than he shows me. He's great! I can't wait to see him! Being apart this past week has been killer!!
Sunday, December 9, 2012
That. Was. Hard.
Leaving Utah was quite the experience for me this time around. When I left before, when I was pregnant with Norah, Spencer and I were in a transitionary stage of life. He had just graduated, and it was the normal thing to do to move away after you graduate. All the people around us were in the same stage of life, so many people in our ward were doing the same thing... It was no big deal... none of us expected to stick around, especially not stay in a married student ward... several of us were no longer in that category. So even the ones who were staying in UT were moving wards....
Anyway, this time around, we hadn't planned on leaving UT... We had found a house and a neighborhood we thought we would raise our children in. Even though this past year was a real struggle for me, I thought I would get through it and finally find my place. I never found where I fit in... The only people I felt I connected with, felt like misfits themselves... lol! The irony. I never formed those bonds I thought I would. Some people barely said hi to me the entire time I lived there. When I moved in I really put myself out there and introduced myself to a lot of people. I really tried reaching out the whole time I lived in that house. When I left, we had a handful of people actually stop and say goodbye... the waves kinda hurt my feelings... like, this wasn't just any ordinary day. And everyone knew I was leaving.... perhaps not the exact day, but they were informed of the timeline... still, no one really stopped or called. I did get a text here and there, but still... texts and waves aren't the best for long goodbyes, at least not to me. Only because when I am texting someone, often times it is because I am not comfortable enough with them to feel like I wouldn't be an intrusion. Texting is 'safe'... it keeps you at finger-tip length... and you can save face. I suppose I figured out who my friends were, and where I fit, finally, in those last days. And even after I left, some good friends showed up on Saturday to help Spencer even though I wasn't even there.
I am glad to say that I learned so much from my 2 years in that house and surrounded by so many amazing people. I wish I could say I had made any sort of impact while I was there... but I struggle to know whether or not anyone saw me for who I am or what I could contribute. I really had no desire to cry until those last moments. Or maybe it was just because Kelsey was a basket-case and I wanted so desperately to take her with me! Perhaps I cried because I would miss Joy and her family so much, and Casey, Lara, the Pedrozas, the Edwards, the Gerbers, Terri and her sweet mom Joanne, and the handful of others that made an impact in my life. Perhaps I cried because I had harbored a lot of resentment over the last year of reaching out and not really getting anything out of it and then realizing that it wasn't important and I wasted my time being self-conscious. Those people, the ones who said goodbye, showed me that I did make a difference, that I was worth something. And that is what mattered.
The thought that keeps coming to me, is to just be REAL. Be who I am, and it is ok if I am not perfect, what matters is that I am trying to be. I am always trying to be better. Always. Ok so maybe there are times I throw up my hands and wonder 'what's the point?', but it is only for a moment or two and than I get back on track.
I am going to share something personal in hopes that anyone else feeling the same way can receive some amount of comfort in knowing they are not alone. I wrote this a couple of months ago in my journal. "Lately I have been feeling very paranoid about everything I do and say. Ever since that one comment was made this past spring I find myself in constant worry of what others think of me or what I say. Spencer has a job opportunity popping up in Austin and I am so hoping The Lord may finally see it OK for us to go back home. If not, I will make the best of my circumstances, put a smile on my face and no one need be wiser as to my insecurities. I hate feeling this way. I am doing my best to focus on my family, my scriptures and being uplifting to those around me. We shall see what I can make of this. Some great advice I have learned is to keep a positive attitude no matter what I may be going through, and while I thought I was doing this, perhaps I must do better. Just maybe it can take my estranged feelings away."
There has to be a way to be POSITIVE and be REAL. All too often, being real and being negative go hand in hand. I believe the only way to achieve positive results is to think positively of oneself. I am practicing this... but it is really really hard. I know I have a lot of good qualities the Lord would rather me focus on, they are just covered up in my mind by all my shortcomings. I am hoping I can positively apply all the lessons of these past 2 years into my new life. I have a fresh start at showing myself that I am worth something, that I can be who I am with confidence, and I know the Lord will guide me every step of the way. I am resolved to this endeavor. I will find a way to be myself in the most positive and uplifting sense, even when life bogs me down. There is joy in the journey!
And lastly, this thought comes to mind, it is taken from President Thomas S Monson's talk 'Finding Joy in the Journey' given during the October 2008 LDS General Conference, "This is our one and only chance at mortal life—here and now. The longer we live, the greater is our realization that it is brief. Opportunities come, and then they are gone. I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and nonexistent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey—now."
I am hoping I can learn to more fully embrace the gospel into my life. I am hoping I can truly realize what matters most. And feel it. Not just recognize it, but really embrace it. I love holding my babies close and my husband closer. I love it when we laugh and play and sing and read. I love seeing my babies love each other and light up when they are reunited after even the shortest of partings. I am so blessed to have made amazing friends and done some profound growing over the past years of being away from home. The past year alone has made me a different person altogether. For the better. Here's to another day!
Oh and the hardest part was the drive. 2 adults, 3 babies, 3 days, 1400 miles. Never. Again.
Anyway, this time around, we hadn't planned on leaving UT... We had found a house and a neighborhood we thought we would raise our children in. Even though this past year was a real struggle for me, I thought I would get through it and finally find my place. I never found where I fit in... The only people I felt I connected with, felt like misfits themselves... lol! The irony. I never formed those bonds I thought I would. Some people barely said hi to me the entire time I lived there. When I moved in I really put myself out there and introduced myself to a lot of people. I really tried reaching out the whole time I lived in that house. When I left, we had a handful of people actually stop and say goodbye... the waves kinda hurt my feelings... like, this wasn't just any ordinary day. And everyone knew I was leaving.... perhaps not the exact day, but they were informed of the timeline... still, no one really stopped or called. I did get a text here and there, but still... texts and waves aren't the best for long goodbyes, at least not to me. Only because when I am texting someone, often times it is because I am not comfortable enough with them to feel like I wouldn't be an intrusion. Texting is 'safe'... it keeps you at finger-tip length... and you can save face. I suppose I figured out who my friends were, and where I fit, finally, in those last days. And even after I left, some good friends showed up on Saturday to help Spencer even though I wasn't even there.
I am glad to say that I learned so much from my 2 years in that house and surrounded by so many amazing people. I wish I could say I had made any sort of impact while I was there... but I struggle to know whether or not anyone saw me for who I am or what I could contribute. I really had no desire to cry until those last moments. Or maybe it was just because Kelsey was a basket-case and I wanted so desperately to take her with me! Perhaps I cried because I would miss Joy and her family so much, and Casey, Lara, the Pedrozas, the Edwards, the Gerbers, Terri and her sweet mom Joanne, and the handful of others that made an impact in my life. Perhaps I cried because I had harbored a lot of resentment over the last year of reaching out and not really getting anything out of it and then realizing that it wasn't important and I wasted my time being self-conscious. Those people, the ones who said goodbye, showed me that I did make a difference, that I was worth something. And that is what mattered.
The thought that keeps coming to me, is to just be REAL. Be who I am, and it is ok if I am not perfect, what matters is that I am trying to be. I am always trying to be better. Always. Ok so maybe there are times I throw up my hands and wonder 'what's the point?', but it is only for a moment or two and than I get back on track.
I am going to share something personal in hopes that anyone else feeling the same way can receive some amount of comfort in knowing they are not alone. I wrote this a couple of months ago in my journal. "Lately I have been feeling very paranoid about everything I do and say. Ever since that one comment was made this past spring I find myself in constant worry of what others think of me or what I say. Spencer has a job opportunity popping up in Austin and I am so hoping The Lord may finally see it OK for us to go back home. If not, I will make the best of my circumstances, put a smile on my face and no one need be wiser as to my insecurities. I hate feeling this way. I am doing my best to focus on my family, my scriptures and being uplifting to those around me. We shall see what I can make of this. Some great advice I have learned is to keep a positive attitude no matter what I may be going through, and while I thought I was doing this, perhaps I must do better. Just maybe it can take my estranged feelings away."
There has to be a way to be POSITIVE and be REAL. All too often, being real and being negative go hand in hand. I believe the only way to achieve positive results is to think positively of oneself. I am practicing this... but it is really really hard. I know I have a lot of good qualities the Lord would rather me focus on, they are just covered up in my mind by all my shortcomings. I am hoping I can positively apply all the lessons of these past 2 years into my new life. I have a fresh start at showing myself that I am worth something, that I can be who I am with confidence, and I know the Lord will guide me every step of the way. I am resolved to this endeavor. I will find a way to be myself in the most positive and uplifting sense, even when life bogs me down. There is joy in the journey!
And lastly, this thought comes to mind, it is taken from President Thomas S Monson's talk 'Finding Joy in the Journey' given during the October 2008 LDS General Conference, "This is our one and only chance at mortal life—here and now. The longer we live, the greater is our realization that it is brief. Opportunities come, and then they are gone. I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and nonexistent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey—now."
I am hoping I can learn to more fully embrace the gospel into my life. I am hoping I can truly realize what matters most. And feel it. Not just recognize it, but really embrace it. I love holding my babies close and my husband closer. I love it when we laugh and play and sing and read. I love seeing my babies love each other and light up when they are reunited after even the shortest of partings. I am so blessed to have made amazing friends and done some profound growing over the past years of being away from home. The past year alone has made me a different person altogether. For the better. Here's to another day!
Oh and the hardest part was the drive. 2 adults, 3 babies, 3 days, 1400 miles. Never. Again.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Overwhelmed With Gratitude
You know that moment when you are packing all of your belongings and you feel like you have come so far and then you look past all the packed boxes and see everything not in a box?? Ya, I have had that moment at least a hundred times over the past 10 days.
I think Heavenly Father creates uncomfortable situations for us... or at least allows them... so that we will seek the changes that will put us on the path He wants us on. Right before the LDS General Relief Society meeting I was visiting with a friend who recently moved about an hour away (since the General meeting was in Salt Lake and she moved just north of there), her words really comforted me during my internal struggle with my situation at the time. I seriously felt like a fish out of water.... Anyway, she said (in regards to her own reason for moving), "I think that The Lord puts us in uncomfortable situations when it is time to change our surroundings." Further, "why would anyone move if they were completely comfortable exactly where they were, why would that thought even cross their mind?" It made me feel a ton better about considering moving back home... In reality, I am a younger mom than almost all of my neighbors and friends out here and they have all since moved past my particular stage of life (the 'let's get the kids out of the house so we can have our sanity back' stage) and are literally in the 'running around from one thing to another ALL day' stage! So, understandably, they cherish those quiet 'alone' moments any moment they can because they hardly get them! It's like recovering from a whirlwind just thinking about it. And those days may not be far off for me.
Anyway, so, awesome, I felt like it was OK to look forward to going home... And then I went to the actual RS meeting and was like SUPER close to the Prophet. A lot of things were said that had me resolved to be OK staying, I even texted Spencer that night, "Maybe we should stay." As in stay in Utah... AND I talked with a good friend that night in the car on the way home and she almost confirmed my feelings that staying would be OK.
It is at these times, we draw closer to The Lord and seek His guidance and council and only He can establish and re-establish that healthy balance between body, mind, and Spirit, and also the relationships between family and friends.
I can literally tell you, that every time I was surrounded by any of my friends before and after this time had me feeling a complete 180 about staying or going. I was so confused. If I stayed, wouldn't I be like a way stronger person because I learned how to just go it all alone and rely only on The Lord and my own wits to get me through the struggles of motherhood? By alone, I mean without my family. I had plenty of friends… but... you know how it is… with friends it just isn't the same, especially when you are already so close to your family.
I have always felt that friends may come and go, but families are FOREVER! And my family, quite literally, will last me just that long. True, some are blessed to have friends that feel like family, and we are blessed to have those even here... The pull to be closer to family is just too strong for me. It sure has been nice to have Spencer's brother and extended family to visit with these past 5 years! We certainly have grown closer to them! For that I am so grateful.
Anyway, throughout this time I talked a lot with my best friend back home, and we really isolated a lot of my issues with living here.... I am away from my closest friends and especially my family. Ok so maybe two issues… oh and the long, cold winters… not a fan. Although, it is a GREAT place to visit! lol! And now we will have awesome people to connect with when we do!!
I remember that when we had first moved into this neighborhood we just knew and felt that we had finally made it to where we were supposed to be.... I was so happy to be surrounded my such AMAZING people, and they really are AMAZING! You won't find a better group! We really felt like our kids would grow up here. For whatever reason, this is no longer where we need to be. I have learned so much from everyone here, and these last 2 years have proved to be life-altering! We have really settled into how we want to be as a family and how to incorporate the Gospel as the center of our lives. Spencer and I have drawn so much closer to each other and especially to The Lord, and we continue to do so.
I have learned a lot about choices, consequences, and what matters most.
What matters most to me is my family. I have, for as long as I can remember, wanted my children to KNOW their grandparents and cousins and Aunts and Uncles, to learn from them. I want them to feel that strong family bond. I am so happy to be going home. And I am SO grateful this is what The Lord has in store for my family at this time! And I am SO grateful for the life-changing lessons I have learned as a result of the experiences I have had here.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
TEXAS
The stars at night, are big and bright, deep in the heart of Texas!!
Howdy y'all! Thought I'd let you in on the best news since Declan's birth. We are moving home!!!! I cannot exclaim my excitement!! I've been feeling so out of place in the motherland for the better part of the last year- granted I was bringing a third child into the world. And I was finally resolving to keep to myself in hopes that I would eventually learn my place in the social ranks... And then Spencer started getting hiccups that there were jobs in Austin for his area of expertise.
The first jobs we learned about were in July, but the first ones we started looking into presented themselves in September. He had two interviews around Halloween and we've accepted the job in San Antonio!! His official start date is in 2.5 weeks!! December 10th, pending we actually get there in time... Packing and getting our house ready for renters is harder than one might anticipate... But it will all work out!
I'm just so excited to finally be going home! I'm a Texan... It's where I fit. It's where I belong.
Howdy y'all! Thought I'd let you in on the best news since Declan's birth. We are moving home!!!! I cannot exclaim my excitement!! I've been feeling so out of place in the motherland for the better part of the last year- granted I was bringing a third child into the world. And I was finally resolving to keep to myself in hopes that I would eventually learn my place in the social ranks... And then Spencer started getting hiccups that there were jobs in Austin for his area of expertise.
The first jobs we learned about were in July, but the first ones we started looking into presented themselves in September. He had two interviews around Halloween and we've accepted the job in San Antonio!! His official start date is in 2.5 weeks!! December 10th, pending we actually get there in time... Packing and getting our house ready for renters is harder than one might anticipate... But it will all work out!
I'm just so excited to finally be going home! I'm a Texan... It's where I fit. It's where I belong.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Consider the Blessings
I needed this today:
As I have reviewed the past 49 years, I have made some discoveries. One is that countless experiences I have had were not necessarily those one would consider extraordinary. In fact, at the time they transpired, they often seemed unremarkable and even ordinary. And yet, in retrospect, they enriched and blessed lives—not the least of which was my own. I would recommend this same exercise to you—namely, that you take an inventory of your life and look specifically for the blessings, large and small, you have received. - President Thomas S. Monson
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Words To Live By
No matter our circumstances, no matter our challenges or trials, there is something in each day to embrace and cherish. There is something in each day that can bring gratitude and joy if only we will see and appreciate it.
-President Dieder F. Uchtdorf
Monday, October 15, 2012
Turning a Leaf
Another thing that I have been interested in lately, is how the truly wealthy (not the workaholic kind) look at life and money... I have been a part of a Financial Fitness Book Club, and it is changing my entire perspective. The book we are reading this month is Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill... I highly recommend it! 
And lastly, I had the most wonderful General Conference Experience. I am currently studying out the talks given last weekend during this years Semi-Annual General Conference. Along with these talks, the books and scriptures I have been reading, I am deciding on new ways to be, and improvements that will help me function better as a wife and mom, and ways to appreciate my blessings. I love this time of year!
Friday, September 21, 2012
Goal Surpassed!!
As pretty much everyone knows I am currently obsessed with reaching my ultimate health and fitness goals. When I first started my journey before I even got pregnant with baby #1 I was 150. For my frame and height 115 is more the ideal weight for me. I used to tell myself I would be happy at 130 if I was at least in shape. What I didn't realize was that 'in shape' would shed a lot more pounds and inches than I thought. After Baby #2 I started hittin' things hard and finally got to my size 8 and 128 lbs. After Baby #3 I hit it even harder and I am finally at 118-120, and a size 4/6. I am so much smaller than I ever anticipated and I can't believe it. I have been working so hard to lose it all and it is finally paying off! Hard work and dedication REALLY pay off!
Picture one is me at 145 and a size 10/12, picture 2 is me at 122 and a size 4/6. I have lost almost 4 pounds since that 2nd picture was taken, and the best part is NO MUFFIN TOP! I mean I still have a little bit of a pooch from being prego, but over the last couple months it has been tightening back to normal... FINALLY! Haha! I know I know, I ONLY had a baby 7 months ago... But to me it has been a 4 year journey with several 9 month breaks.... so I feel a little anxious for everything to finally be where I want it to be.
After the first picture I started a program called the 60 Day Slim Down by Moms into Fitness and lost about 22 pounds, and like I said before, got to a size 8, before getting pregnant with Baby #3... which was a minor yet rewarding set back!
When I first started ChaLEAN Extreme after my 3rd pregnancy, at 2 months post partum, I was at 28.4% body fat- according to the system of measurement I am using- and now I am 20.3%. I have no ultimate goal as far as the numbers go, I just want to feel great and be able to do whatever I want. I love that I can rearrange my furniture mostly by myself... still can't move the piano alone... haha! I love that I have enough energy to play with my kids at 6 pm after a full day of go, go, go! I love that I can toss my 30 pound daughters up in the air and catch them without hurting my shoulder (for those who don't know me, I have had an injured shoulder since I was 17 and it got worse after baby #1 because I carried her all the time). I love that I no longer feel lower back pain, sciatica-type feelings in my legs, or burning in my feet every night just from doing normal day to day things. I feel strong for once in my life!
I really never believed all those silly Beachbody infomercials, nor did I think the success stories with their programs were typical. Well, after 100 days (it took me 10 days longer to finish my 90-day program) of colds, pinkeye, husband changing jobs, buying a new car, traveling in a car with 2 adults and 3 children 3 and under across country... twice, 3 stomach bugs because I can't stay away from junk or dairy, being out of my house for 3.5 weeks and working out in another home, AND nursing a baby, I know those results are typical.
I hope that my journey will inspire others that feel like they are standing in front of one giant road block after another. I felt this way countless times, I can't tell you how many different weight loss methods I tried before settling on eating clean, Shakeology, ChaLEAN Extreme and now P90X. I have changed how I eat- mostly plant based- and I love Shakeology and how much nutrition is packed into that one scoop! My marriage is stronger because I am more confident and waaay less moody and needy! It is amazing how pain and being overweight lead to depression and anxiety... our bodies need to be healthy!
Anyway, That's my story! So far....
After the first picture I started a program called the 60 Day Slim Down by Moms into Fitness and lost about 22 pounds, and like I said before, got to a size 8, before getting pregnant with Baby #3... which was a minor yet rewarding set back!
When I first started ChaLEAN Extreme after my 3rd pregnancy, at 2 months post partum, I was at 28.4% body fat- according to the system of measurement I am using- and now I am 20.3%. I have no ultimate goal as far as the numbers go, I just want to feel great and be able to do whatever I want. I love that I can rearrange my furniture mostly by myself... still can't move the piano alone... haha! I love that I have enough energy to play with my kids at 6 pm after a full day of go, go, go! I love that I can toss my 30 pound daughters up in the air and catch them without hurting my shoulder (for those who don't know me, I have had an injured shoulder since I was 17 and it got worse after baby #1 because I carried her all the time). I love that I no longer feel lower back pain, sciatica-type feelings in my legs, or burning in my feet every night just from doing normal day to day things. I feel strong for once in my life!
I really never believed all those silly Beachbody infomercials, nor did I think the success stories with their programs were typical. Well, after 100 days (it took me 10 days longer to finish my 90-day program) of colds, pinkeye, husband changing jobs, buying a new car, traveling in a car with 2 adults and 3 children 3 and under across country... twice, 3 stomach bugs because I can't stay away from junk or dairy, being out of my house for 3.5 weeks and working out in another home, AND nursing a baby, I know those results are typical.
I hope that my journey will inspire others that feel like they are standing in front of one giant road block after another. I felt this way countless times, I can't tell you how many different weight loss methods I tried before settling on eating clean, Shakeology, ChaLEAN Extreme and now P90X. I have changed how I eat- mostly plant based- and I love Shakeology and how much nutrition is packed into that one scoop! My marriage is stronger because I am more confident and waaay less moody and needy! It is amazing how pain and being overweight lead to depression and anxiety... our bodies need to be healthy!
Anyway, That's my story! So far....
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Now I Know and That is That.
This summer has been something of a pivotal moment in my life. I had no idea turning 25 meant that I quite literally had to grow up! Haha!
It was full of stresses, heartaches, milestones, and loneliness. But I have grown so much because of it. It is a bittersweet moment when one feels at peace with and even grateful for their hardest trials.
What I have learned from this most recent struggle of life is:
1) People can't always take what they give - even if you can be there through another's struggles, it is wise to stay close to the Lord on your own.
2) Try never to ignore a prompting - no matter how hard your own trials may be, you aren't following the Lord's council when you ignore his heeds. In fact, following a prompting may alleviate your own trials, those of the person in need, and help you draw closer to your Savior in your time of need.
3) There is no way to read minds, but actions speak louder than words.
4) Only the Savior truly knows what I am going through. No matter how much I seek council and guidance from those that have experienced similar hardships in life, only the Lord can really speak to my spirit and fill that need. Through these people he sometimes forms a mouthpiece, but often times peace and answers comes during the quiet moments we are alone and seeking His guidance thoroughly in our lives.
5) I am blessed with an amazing Eternal Companion who loves me in all my moments. Yes, some moments are a little more annoying than others, but he loves me all the same.
6) I have children that look up to me, love me unconditionally, and rely on me for stability and comfort. They depend on me completely, I cannot distract myself with nonsense.
7) I never want to hear that I put someone else in the shoes I filled this past summer, and I hope to never make another negative comment about someone especially when I feel wronged or justified. I need to give the benefit of the doubt.
8) 'Friend' is a very relative term, and is used way too loosely. I am feeling very cynical about this subject right now.
9) Being pregnant 3 times in 3 years really throws someone's hormones out of whack, I didn't know what depression was until after I had my 1st baby.... Now I want more than anything to forget it!
10) Telling the truth doesn't mean you need to give all the back story... avoid sharing your struggles during a moment that is intended to be uplifting. The Lord knows our struggles, often times conversations will be enlightening to our current struggles, without indulging in our own self-pity.
So through all of this I have had to come to peace with the fact that most relationships are best kept at arms length. And there will be only 1 or 2 that will surpass that, including your spouse. If you can say that you have at least one TRUE friend when you die, you had a good life.
I would like to say, that if I died today, I have a good life!
It was full of stresses, heartaches, milestones, and loneliness. But I have grown so much because of it. It is a bittersweet moment when one feels at peace with and even grateful for their hardest trials.
What I have learned from this most recent struggle of life is:
1) People can't always take what they give - even if you can be there through another's struggles, it is wise to stay close to the Lord on your own.
2) Try never to ignore a prompting - no matter how hard your own trials may be, you aren't following the Lord's council when you ignore his heeds. In fact, following a prompting may alleviate your own trials, those of the person in need, and help you draw closer to your Savior in your time of need.
3) There is no way to read minds, but actions speak louder than words.
4) Only the Savior truly knows what I am going through. No matter how much I seek council and guidance from those that have experienced similar hardships in life, only the Lord can really speak to my spirit and fill that need. Through these people he sometimes forms a mouthpiece, but often times peace and answers comes during the quiet moments we are alone and seeking His guidance thoroughly in our lives.
5) I am blessed with an amazing Eternal Companion who loves me in all my moments. Yes, some moments are a little more annoying than others, but he loves me all the same.
6) I have children that look up to me, love me unconditionally, and rely on me for stability and comfort. They depend on me completely, I cannot distract myself with nonsense.
7) I never want to hear that I put someone else in the shoes I filled this past summer, and I hope to never make another negative comment about someone especially when I feel wronged or justified. I need to give the benefit of the doubt.
8) 'Friend' is a very relative term, and is used way too loosely. I am feeling very cynical about this subject right now.
9) Being pregnant 3 times in 3 years really throws someone's hormones out of whack, I didn't know what depression was until after I had my 1st baby.... Now I want more than anything to forget it!
10) Telling the truth doesn't mean you need to give all the back story... avoid sharing your struggles during a moment that is intended to be uplifting. The Lord knows our struggles, often times conversations will be enlightening to our current struggles, without indulging in our own self-pity.
So through all of this I have had to come to peace with the fact that most relationships are best kept at arms length. And there will be only 1 or 2 that will surpass that, including your spouse. If you can say that you have at least one TRUE friend when you die, you had a good life.
I would like to say, that if I died today, I have a good life!
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Oh Friends
Being home for a visit gave me a different perspective on what's important in life.
I left Utah feeling like I didn't really have any close friends. I have friends, but I didn't really feel that emotional connection one misses when they are away. I know there are a handful of people that I care about and vice versa, but I still felt out of place.
Since being back I have determined that in order to feel differently I guess I need to wedge my way in to the social circles and figure out where I fit in. It hasn't been easy so far, but we will see what happens. I guess life is just too busy for Utahns cuz when I try to get people together it just doesn't really work out... Oh well.
I miss my friends and family. Alas, at least I have fond memories to look back upon.
On another note, I learned a helpful insight during Sunday School while I was home.
The Lord allows us to make choices according to our agency. Through the Atonement we can be spared the harsh consequences of others' bad choices, IF the Lord sees fit. I know He has the power to spare us harsh consequences, but it may not be His will for me at the given time.
I left Utah feeling like I didn't really have any close friends. I have friends, but I didn't really feel that emotional connection one misses when they are away. I know there are a handful of people that I care about and vice versa, but I still felt out of place.
Since being back I have determined that in order to feel differently I guess I need to wedge my way in to the social circles and figure out where I fit in. It hasn't been easy so far, but we will see what happens. I guess life is just too busy for Utahns cuz when I try to get people together it just doesn't really work out... Oh well.
I miss my friends and family. Alas, at least I have fond memories to look back upon.
On another note, I learned a helpful insight during Sunday School while I was home.
The Lord allows us to make choices according to our agency. Through the Atonement we can be spared the harsh consequences of others' bad choices, IF the Lord sees fit. I know He has the power to spare us harsh consequences, but it may not be His will for me at the given time.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
So close!!
I am twelve pounds from my goal!!!! The pictures of me in my pink shirt are taken four months post partum baby number two. The work out clothes are today, four months post partum baby number three!! Hard work pays off!
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Life
This last week was quite the roller coaster for our family. I don't even know where to begin. Spencer's old job, the one he quit right after Memorial Day, is refusing to give him his last pay check. It's a mess. I think I lost weight this week just because of it. When I get REALLY stressed, I actually don't eat.... at all. Luckily, I am nursing, so I did eat, but just enough to keep things functioning. I am so much smarter about how a couple of government agencies work though... really slow, and they can barely help me. Why do I pay taxes? I am about to lose my mind! Oh well, there is nothing I can do but be patient at this point. On a brighter note, the Lord has blessed us GREATLY! We are surviving because of the Lord's Tender Mercies. I am grateful for this, and Spencer's new job. Life is looking way better for us these days because of it, and Spencer is no longer under the same amount of stress and he gets home an hour and a half earlier every day now. We love it.
As far as the working out. I am still doing it!! I take measurements and pictures on Tuesday!! I start my last phase of this 90 day program and I am stoked! I feel so much skinnier and my clothes are all baggy!! I can't wait til the end of the program!! I will post pictures!! It is time to GET LEAN!!
I can't wait til Friday, when Spencer's new job pays him... I hate that he earned two weeks of pay and hasn't received it... grrr....
As far as the working out. I am still doing it!! I take measurements and pictures on Tuesday!! I start my last phase of this 90 day program and I am stoked! I feel so much skinnier and my clothes are all baggy!! I can't wait til the end of the program!! I will post pictures!! It is time to GET LEAN!!
I can't wait til Friday, when Spencer's new job pays him... I hate that he earned two weeks of pay and hasn't received it... grrr....
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Things I Love
1) I love my husband, and how he makes my day just by smiling at me.
2) I love my babies, and how I can kiss every owie and make them happy just because I'm their mommy.
3) I love my parents and how they help me, even now, focus on what's important in life.
4) I love my friends, and how they uplift me and let me know I'm never alone.
5) I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ and His Atonement. It is only through this that I can become who my Father in Heaven has intended for me to be.
6) I love chocolate... Haha, had to throw that in there!
7) I love that through all my shortcomings, the Lord still blesses me everyday!
And on a less spiritual note:
8) I LOVE paid time off!! We got to go on our first family outing that we didn't have to "pay" for! It was such a blessing! Yay for A better job!
2) I love my babies, and how I can kiss every owie and make them happy just because I'm their mommy.
3) I love my parents and how they help me, even now, focus on what's important in life.
4) I love my friends, and how they uplift me and let me know I'm never alone.
5) I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ and His Atonement. It is only through this that I can become who my Father in Heaven has intended for me to be.
6) I love chocolate... Haha, had to throw that in there!
7) I love that through all my shortcomings, the Lord still blesses me everyday!
And on a less spiritual note:
8) I LOVE paid time off!! We got to go on our first family outing that we didn't have to "pay" for! It was such a blessing! Yay for A better job!
Sunday, May 27, 2012
COOKIES!!!
I have been SOOOOO bad this past week! I had lost 4 pounds last month during the first phase of my 90-day day Beachbody challenge, and I am pretty certain I put them all back on... I am afraid to find out. My clothes still fit the same, but I feel TERRIBLE!!
I had been feeling great until all the stresses of the last two weeks caught up with me. Darn you, stress-eating! I have never been quite the victim of stress-eating as I have been these last two weeks. I have been revolving around those darn fundraiser cookies. So I cooked up the rest of them today, and what doesn't get eaten by my family is going straight into the trash! It is sooo disgusting! I used to eat like this ALLL the time! I don't remember feeling this gross... although, I do remember being this depressed... I am certain it's related. And to top it off, I missed three workouts over the past two weeks, and I am feeling it!
I need something different. I feel like trying a strictly whole food, plant-based diet... not added oil or sugar... ONLY good things! Granted, we are mostly plant-based, but we sure do pack on the non-dairy butter, and eat a TON of things cooked with oil. Anyway, until I can find an appropriate balance I really feel my body BEGGING me to go back to the basics... at the least, I hear it begging me to stop eating all those stinkin' cookies!
Moving on...
As a mom, I struggle to find my individuality. I have been feeling so run-down lately, and while a lot of the physical run-down-ness is due to my poor diet choices, the rest is simply because I feel like I am falling short in everything I am trying to accomplish. I find myself basing my success on someone else's health or mood. The best I can do or give simply isn't good enough, even though it is. My success cannot be measured be the way things around me are running... but that is how I see it. If my house is a mess, so is my mind; if my kids are sick, so is my spirit; if Spencer is upset, it's all my fault. I struggle finding a way to keep myself together if everything around me is falling apart. Who am I? I know I am a wife, a mom, a daughter, and a sister; but where did Ashley go? I used to have so many interests, opinions, and hobbies that had nothing to do with family... not that I miss those by any means, but I feel like I haven't replaced things with my own stamp yet.
I am a wife and a mother first, for sure. But I think it is time the fun bubbly Ashley come out every once in a while. Just for sanity's sake. That is all...
I had been feeling great until all the stresses of the last two weeks caught up with me. Darn you, stress-eating! I have never been quite the victim of stress-eating as I have been these last two weeks. I have been revolving around those darn fundraiser cookies. So I cooked up the rest of them today, and what doesn't get eaten by my family is going straight into the trash! It is sooo disgusting! I used to eat like this ALLL the time! I don't remember feeling this gross... although, I do remember being this depressed... I am certain it's related. And to top it off, I missed three workouts over the past two weeks, and I am feeling it!
I need something different. I feel like trying a strictly whole food, plant-based diet... not added oil or sugar... ONLY good things! Granted, we are mostly plant-based, but we sure do pack on the non-dairy butter, and eat a TON of things cooked with oil. Anyway, until I can find an appropriate balance I really feel my body BEGGING me to go back to the basics... at the least, I hear it begging me to stop eating all those stinkin' cookies!
Moving on...
As a mom, I struggle to find my individuality. I have been feeling so run-down lately, and while a lot of the physical run-down-ness is due to my poor diet choices, the rest is simply because I feel like I am falling short in everything I am trying to accomplish. I find myself basing my success on someone else's health or mood. The best I can do or give simply isn't good enough, even though it is. My success cannot be measured be the way things around me are running... but that is how I see it. If my house is a mess, so is my mind; if my kids are sick, so is my spirit; if Spencer is upset, it's all my fault. I struggle finding a way to keep myself together if everything around me is falling apart. Who am I? I know I am a wife, a mom, a daughter, and a sister; but where did Ashley go? I used to have so many interests, opinions, and hobbies that had nothing to do with family... not that I miss those by any means, but I feel like I haven't replaced things with my own stamp yet.
I am a wife and a mother first, for sure. But I think it is time the fun bubbly Ashley come out every once in a while. Just for sanity's sake. That is all...
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Muffin Top
Have you ever had a baby?? Well, I have... three times.... in three years. You might think I am a bit unorthodox, but trust me when I tell you, it is all worth it... Despite how much I might say to the contrary.
I have found myself repeating the same phrase over and over again lately, "I never saw myself doing this when I pictured my life as a grown up." Don't get me wrong, I had every intention of being a wife and a mom, just never so soon. My actions tell you otherwise for sure. I got married at the ripe old age of.... 21 (only two weeks after my 21st birthday :), and had my first baby a whole year and 4 months later at the blissful age of 22. The first few months of mommyhood proved to be too simple apparently, so, just as baby girl number 1 hit the 15 month mark, out popped baby girl number 2. To make matters simple I spent the next several months feeling very strongly that a little boy was ready to come... NOW... I was in denial that it was any "real" feeling. I already had my hands full... and I only had two of them... Anyhow, after much deliberation we "let" that little boy come (I figure the Lord would have sent him either way, but this way I felt more like it was partially my decision), and here I am married only 4.5 years with three VERY small children. Did I mention I nurse these babies?! Ya, I am becoming a pro at nursing on the go... not something I ever imagined becoming proficient at, mainly because I had no idea it was hard or inconvenient until I had these babies.
And here I am, mother of three, left with "this" body. Not to mention, I didn't start at an "ideal" weight or fitness level when I became pregnant the first time, or second, or even third. I am sure I would have had my work cut out for me even if I had started out healthy and in shape. When my second daughter was about 5 months old I started finally shedding the pounds, I had lost 13 pounds beyond pre pregnancy weight before even getting pregnant with her, but I put them right back on after having her (I lost them and gained them, I lose all my pregnancy weight right after I have my babies so I can never claim pregnancy weight is the issue). So, there I was, with post partum depression, feeling like I needed to have another baby against my better judgement, and with two babies under the age of 2. I was determined to get my body back, I could not suffer through another painful pregnancy due to my own neglect of my body. I started Jillian's 30 day shred, but that wasn't enough, my body remembered it all to well from the first time I did it, after 2 weeks I was plateauing. - Oh, I forgot to mention we bought a house with stairs also, and in the first few weeks of living here I lost 10 pounds out of the 30 I needed to lose before I felt I could be pregnant again. - I found a program called the 60 Day Slim Down done by Moms Into Fitness (momsintofitness.com), and started losing again... and shedding the inches! I can't find my paper that I used to keep track but I lost 12 more pounds and over 14 inches all around! I was stoked! Then everything stopped... midway through my program I started training for races, first a 5k, then a 10k, and next was a half marathon... I couldn't get past 6 miles, my knees started hurting - I thought it was my shoes - I still had 8 pounds to lose... and they weren't budging. Wait, this is what happened after I lost the 13 after my first daughter... Then, I was "late"... You guessed it, baby number 3 was already on his precious little way. And I do LOVE that he was, I just really REALLY wanted to be in proper shape before he started his... I should say "our"... growing journey in my belly. Oh well, maybe next time.
Anyway, so this brings us to now. "Now" is such a relative term isn't it? I mean, it only lasts a moment before it becomes the past. And let me tell you, I hate looking at the past and wishing it were different. So I don't... or at least I try not to... So here is to making "now" a time worth remembering.
This leads me to the purpose of this blog. Right now I am focusing on being a "fun," witty, smart, organized stay at home mom to these three beautiful babies, and getting in shape!! Sheesh, selfish much? I really shouldn't be so consumed by my overall fitness whilst my children are so dependent, but I am, and they're used to it, well, the older 2 are... And they even work out with me... sometimes... never do a plank in their presence unless you are prepared for it to turn into a horsy ride... I am determined that this muffin top will no longer do, and my male patterned baldness that always happens post-baby will finally have a chance to fill back in and grow a little before it all falls out again.... (If I had thick hair this wouldn't be an issue...) Oh the joys of mommyhood, giving up your body to bring another one into the world, then trying to get it back to some sort of normal before doing it all again... Not to mention, the colds, the flus, the pinkeye, the runny noses, the messy hands, the mud pies, the handprints and crayon on the walls, veggietales, dresses, cars, cuddles, snuggles, I-love-yous, kiss-it-betters, and all that other fun stuff that make this job as exhausting and rewarding as they come.
So this is my journey; from a short, chunky, tired, got her hands full, totally unprepared, muffin top wife and mother; to a fit, fun, healthy, spiritual, God-fearing, confident woman, wife and mother.
I have found myself repeating the same phrase over and over again lately, "I never saw myself doing this when I pictured my life as a grown up." Don't get me wrong, I had every intention of being a wife and a mom, just never so soon. My actions tell you otherwise for sure. I got married at the ripe old age of.... 21 (only two weeks after my 21st birthday :), and had my first baby a whole year and 4 months later at the blissful age of 22. The first few months of mommyhood proved to be too simple apparently, so, just as baby girl number 1 hit the 15 month mark, out popped baby girl number 2. To make matters simple I spent the next several months feeling very strongly that a little boy was ready to come... NOW... I was in denial that it was any "real" feeling. I already had my hands full... and I only had two of them... Anyhow, after much deliberation we "let" that little boy come (I figure the Lord would have sent him either way, but this way I felt more like it was partially my decision), and here I am married only 4.5 years with three VERY small children. Did I mention I nurse these babies?! Ya, I am becoming a pro at nursing on the go... not something I ever imagined becoming proficient at, mainly because I had no idea it was hard or inconvenient until I had these babies.
And here I am, mother of three, left with "this" body. Not to mention, I didn't start at an "ideal" weight or fitness level when I became pregnant the first time, or second, or even third. I am sure I would have had my work cut out for me even if I had started out healthy and in shape. When my second daughter was about 5 months old I started finally shedding the pounds, I had lost 13 pounds beyond pre pregnancy weight before even getting pregnant with her, but I put them right back on after having her (I lost them and gained them, I lose all my pregnancy weight right after I have my babies so I can never claim pregnancy weight is the issue). So, there I was, with post partum depression, feeling like I needed to have another baby against my better judgement, and with two babies under the age of 2. I was determined to get my body back, I could not suffer through another painful pregnancy due to my own neglect of my body. I started Jillian's 30 day shred, but that wasn't enough, my body remembered it all to well from the first time I did it, after 2 weeks I was plateauing. - Oh, I forgot to mention we bought a house with stairs also, and in the first few weeks of living here I lost 10 pounds out of the 30 I needed to lose before I felt I could be pregnant again. - I found a program called the 60 Day Slim Down done by Moms Into Fitness (momsintofitness.com), and started losing again... and shedding the inches! I can't find my paper that I used to keep track but I lost 12 more pounds and over 14 inches all around! I was stoked! Then everything stopped... midway through my program I started training for races, first a 5k, then a 10k, and next was a half marathon... I couldn't get past 6 miles, my knees started hurting - I thought it was my shoes - I still had 8 pounds to lose... and they weren't budging. Wait, this is what happened after I lost the 13 after my first daughter... Then, I was "late"... You guessed it, baby number 3 was already on his precious little way. And I do LOVE that he was, I just really REALLY wanted to be in proper shape before he started his... I should say "our"... growing journey in my belly. Oh well, maybe next time.
Anyway, so this brings us to now. "Now" is such a relative term isn't it? I mean, it only lasts a moment before it becomes the past. And let me tell you, I hate looking at the past and wishing it were different. So I don't... or at least I try not to... So here is to making "now" a time worth remembering.
This leads me to the purpose of this blog. Right now I am focusing on being a "fun," witty, smart, organized stay at home mom to these three beautiful babies, and getting in shape!! Sheesh, selfish much? I really shouldn't be so consumed by my overall fitness whilst my children are so dependent, but I am, and they're used to it, well, the older 2 are... And they even work out with me... sometimes... never do a plank in their presence unless you are prepared for it to turn into a horsy ride... I am determined that this muffin top will no longer do, and my male patterned baldness that always happens post-baby will finally have a chance to fill back in and grow a little before it all falls out again.... (If I had thick hair this wouldn't be an issue...) Oh the joys of mommyhood, giving up your body to bring another one into the world, then trying to get it back to some sort of normal before doing it all again... Not to mention, the colds, the flus, the pinkeye, the runny noses, the messy hands, the mud pies, the handprints and crayon on the walls, veggietales, dresses, cars, cuddles, snuggles, I-love-yous, kiss-it-betters, and all that other fun stuff that make this job as exhausting and rewarding as they come.
So this is my journey; from a short, chunky, tired, got her hands full, totally unprepared, muffin top wife and mother; to a fit, fun, healthy, spiritual, God-fearing, confident woman, wife and mother.
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