I have been SOOOOO bad this past week! I had lost 4 pounds last month during the first phase of my 90-day day Beachbody challenge, and I am pretty certain I put them all back on... I am afraid to find out. My clothes still fit the same, but I feel TERRIBLE!!
I had been feeling great until all the stresses of the last two weeks caught up with me. Darn you, stress-eating! I have never been quite the victim of stress-eating as I have been these last two weeks. I have been revolving around those darn fundraiser cookies. So I cooked up the rest of them today, and what doesn't get eaten by my family is going straight into the trash! It is sooo disgusting! I used to eat like this ALLL the time! I don't remember feeling this gross... although, I do remember being this depressed... I am certain it's related. And to top it off, I missed three workouts over the past two weeks, and I am feeling it!
I need something different. I feel like trying a strictly whole food, plant-based diet... not added oil or sugar... ONLY good things! Granted, we are mostly plant-based, but we sure do pack on the non-dairy butter, and eat a TON of things cooked with oil. Anyway, until I can find an appropriate balance I really feel my body BEGGING me to go back to the basics... at the least, I hear it begging me to stop eating all those stinkin' cookies!
Moving on...
As a mom, I struggle to find my individuality. I have been feeling so run-down lately, and while a lot of the physical run-down-ness is due to my poor diet choices, the rest is simply because I feel like I am falling short in everything I am trying to accomplish. I find myself basing my success on someone else's health or mood. The best I can do or give simply isn't good enough, even though it is. My success cannot be measured be the way things around me are running... but that is how I see it. If my house is a mess, so is my mind; if my kids are sick, so is my spirit; if Spencer is upset, it's all my fault. I struggle finding a way to keep myself together if everything around me is falling apart. Who am I? I know I am a wife, a mom, a daughter, and a sister; but where did Ashley go? I used to have so many interests, opinions, and hobbies that had nothing to do with family... not that I miss those by any means, but I feel like I haven't replaced things with my own stamp yet.
I am a wife and a mother first, for sure. But I think it is time the fun bubbly Ashley come out every once in a while. Just for sanity's sake. That is all...
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Muffin Top
Have you ever had a baby?? Well, I have... three times.... in three years. You might think I am a bit unorthodox, but trust me when I tell you, it is all worth it... Despite how much I might say to the contrary.
I have found myself repeating the same phrase over and over again lately, "I never saw myself doing this when I pictured my life as a grown up." Don't get me wrong, I had every intention of being a wife and a mom, just never so soon. My actions tell you otherwise for sure. I got married at the ripe old age of.... 21 (only two weeks after my 21st birthday :), and had my first baby a whole year and 4 months later at the blissful age of 22. The first few months of mommyhood proved to be too simple apparently, so, just as baby girl number 1 hit the 15 month mark, out popped baby girl number 2. To make matters simple I spent the next several months feeling very strongly that a little boy was ready to come... NOW... I was in denial that it was any "real" feeling. I already had my hands full... and I only had two of them... Anyhow, after much deliberation we "let" that little boy come (I figure the Lord would have sent him either way, but this way I felt more like it was partially my decision), and here I am married only 4.5 years with three VERY small children. Did I mention I nurse these babies?! Ya, I am becoming a pro at nursing on the go... not something I ever imagined becoming proficient at, mainly because I had no idea it was hard or inconvenient until I had these babies.
And here I am, mother of three, left with "this" body. Not to mention, I didn't start at an "ideal" weight or fitness level when I became pregnant the first time, or second, or even third. I am sure I would have had my work cut out for me even if I had started out healthy and in shape. When my second daughter was about 5 months old I started finally shedding the pounds, I had lost 13 pounds beyond pre pregnancy weight before even getting pregnant with her, but I put them right back on after having her (I lost them and gained them, I lose all my pregnancy weight right after I have my babies so I can never claim pregnancy weight is the issue). So, there I was, with post partum depression, feeling like I needed to have another baby against my better judgement, and with two babies under the age of 2. I was determined to get my body back, I could not suffer through another painful pregnancy due to my own neglect of my body. I started Jillian's 30 day shred, but that wasn't enough, my body remembered it all to well from the first time I did it, after 2 weeks I was plateauing. - Oh, I forgot to mention we bought a house with stairs also, and in the first few weeks of living here I lost 10 pounds out of the 30 I needed to lose before I felt I could be pregnant again. - I found a program called the 60 Day Slim Down done by Moms Into Fitness (momsintofitness.com), and started losing again... and shedding the inches! I can't find my paper that I used to keep track but I lost 12 more pounds and over 14 inches all around! I was stoked! Then everything stopped... midway through my program I started training for races, first a 5k, then a 10k, and next was a half marathon... I couldn't get past 6 miles, my knees started hurting - I thought it was my shoes - I still had 8 pounds to lose... and they weren't budging. Wait, this is what happened after I lost the 13 after my first daughter... Then, I was "late"... You guessed it, baby number 3 was already on his precious little way. And I do LOVE that he was, I just really REALLY wanted to be in proper shape before he started his... I should say "our"... growing journey in my belly. Oh well, maybe next time.
Anyway, so this brings us to now. "Now" is such a relative term isn't it? I mean, it only lasts a moment before it becomes the past. And let me tell you, I hate looking at the past and wishing it were different. So I don't... or at least I try not to... So here is to making "now" a time worth remembering.
This leads me to the purpose of this blog. Right now I am focusing on being a "fun," witty, smart, organized stay at home mom to these three beautiful babies, and getting in shape!! Sheesh, selfish much? I really shouldn't be so consumed by my overall fitness whilst my children are so dependent, but I am, and they're used to it, well, the older 2 are... And they even work out with me... sometimes... never do a plank in their presence unless you are prepared for it to turn into a horsy ride... I am determined that this muffin top will no longer do, and my male patterned baldness that always happens post-baby will finally have a chance to fill back in and grow a little before it all falls out again.... (If I had thick hair this wouldn't be an issue...) Oh the joys of mommyhood, giving up your body to bring another one into the world, then trying to get it back to some sort of normal before doing it all again... Not to mention, the colds, the flus, the pinkeye, the runny noses, the messy hands, the mud pies, the handprints and crayon on the walls, veggietales, dresses, cars, cuddles, snuggles, I-love-yous, kiss-it-betters, and all that other fun stuff that make this job as exhausting and rewarding as they come.
So this is my journey; from a short, chunky, tired, got her hands full, totally unprepared, muffin top wife and mother; to a fit, fun, healthy, spiritual, God-fearing, confident woman, wife and mother.
I have found myself repeating the same phrase over and over again lately, "I never saw myself doing this when I pictured my life as a grown up." Don't get me wrong, I had every intention of being a wife and a mom, just never so soon. My actions tell you otherwise for sure. I got married at the ripe old age of.... 21 (only two weeks after my 21st birthday :), and had my first baby a whole year and 4 months later at the blissful age of 22. The first few months of mommyhood proved to be too simple apparently, so, just as baby girl number 1 hit the 15 month mark, out popped baby girl number 2. To make matters simple I spent the next several months feeling very strongly that a little boy was ready to come... NOW... I was in denial that it was any "real" feeling. I already had my hands full... and I only had two of them... Anyhow, after much deliberation we "let" that little boy come (I figure the Lord would have sent him either way, but this way I felt more like it was partially my decision), and here I am married only 4.5 years with three VERY small children. Did I mention I nurse these babies?! Ya, I am becoming a pro at nursing on the go... not something I ever imagined becoming proficient at, mainly because I had no idea it was hard or inconvenient until I had these babies.
And here I am, mother of three, left with "this" body. Not to mention, I didn't start at an "ideal" weight or fitness level when I became pregnant the first time, or second, or even third. I am sure I would have had my work cut out for me even if I had started out healthy and in shape. When my second daughter was about 5 months old I started finally shedding the pounds, I had lost 13 pounds beyond pre pregnancy weight before even getting pregnant with her, but I put them right back on after having her (I lost them and gained them, I lose all my pregnancy weight right after I have my babies so I can never claim pregnancy weight is the issue). So, there I was, with post partum depression, feeling like I needed to have another baby against my better judgement, and with two babies under the age of 2. I was determined to get my body back, I could not suffer through another painful pregnancy due to my own neglect of my body. I started Jillian's 30 day shred, but that wasn't enough, my body remembered it all to well from the first time I did it, after 2 weeks I was plateauing. - Oh, I forgot to mention we bought a house with stairs also, and in the first few weeks of living here I lost 10 pounds out of the 30 I needed to lose before I felt I could be pregnant again. - I found a program called the 60 Day Slim Down done by Moms Into Fitness (momsintofitness.com), and started losing again... and shedding the inches! I can't find my paper that I used to keep track but I lost 12 more pounds and over 14 inches all around! I was stoked! Then everything stopped... midway through my program I started training for races, first a 5k, then a 10k, and next was a half marathon... I couldn't get past 6 miles, my knees started hurting - I thought it was my shoes - I still had 8 pounds to lose... and they weren't budging. Wait, this is what happened after I lost the 13 after my first daughter... Then, I was "late"... You guessed it, baby number 3 was already on his precious little way. And I do LOVE that he was, I just really REALLY wanted to be in proper shape before he started his... I should say "our"... growing journey in my belly. Oh well, maybe next time.
Anyway, so this brings us to now. "Now" is such a relative term isn't it? I mean, it only lasts a moment before it becomes the past. And let me tell you, I hate looking at the past and wishing it were different. So I don't... or at least I try not to... So here is to making "now" a time worth remembering.
This leads me to the purpose of this blog. Right now I am focusing on being a "fun," witty, smart, organized stay at home mom to these three beautiful babies, and getting in shape!! Sheesh, selfish much? I really shouldn't be so consumed by my overall fitness whilst my children are so dependent, but I am, and they're used to it, well, the older 2 are... And they even work out with me... sometimes... never do a plank in their presence unless you are prepared for it to turn into a horsy ride... I am determined that this muffin top will no longer do, and my male patterned baldness that always happens post-baby will finally have a chance to fill back in and grow a little before it all falls out again.... (If I had thick hair this wouldn't be an issue...) Oh the joys of mommyhood, giving up your body to bring another one into the world, then trying to get it back to some sort of normal before doing it all again... Not to mention, the colds, the flus, the pinkeye, the runny noses, the messy hands, the mud pies, the handprints and crayon on the walls, veggietales, dresses, cars, cuddles, snuggles, I-love-yous, kiss-it-betters, and all that other fun stuff that make this job as exhausting and rewarding as they come.
So this is my journey; from a short, chunky, tired, got her hands full, totally unprepared, muffin top wife and mother; to a fit, fun, healthy, spiritual, God-fearing, confident woman, wife and mother.
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