You know that moment when you are packing all of your belongings and you feel like you have come so far and then you look past all the packed boxes and see everything not in a box?? Ya, I have had that moment at least a hundred times over the past 10 days.
I think Heavenly Father creates uncomfortable situations for us... or at least allows them... so that we will seek the changes that will put us on the path He wants us on. Right before the LDS General Relief Society meeting I was visiting with a friend who recently moved about an hour away (since the General meeting was in Salt Lake and she moved just north of there), her words really comforted me during my internal struggle with my situation at the time. I seriously felt like a fish out of water.... Anyway, she said (in regards to her own reason for moving), "I think that The Lord puts us in uncomfortable situations when it is time to change our surroundings." Further, "why would anyone move if they were completely comfortable exactly where they were, why would that thought even cross their mind?" It made me feel a ton better about considering moving back home... In reality, I am a younger mom than almost all of my neighbors and friends out here and they have all since moved past my particular stage of life (the 'let's get the kids out of the house so we can have our sanity back' stage) and are literally in the 'running around from one thing to another ALL day' stage! So, understandably, they cherish those quiet 'alone' moments any moment they can because they hardly get them! It's like recovering from a whirlwind just thinking about it. And those days may not be far off for me.
Anyway, so, awesome, I felt like it was OK to look forward to going home... And then I went to the actual RS meeting and was like SUPER close to the Prophet. A lot of things were said that had me resolved to be OK staying, I even texted Spencer that night, "Maybe we should stay." As in stay in Utah... AND I talked with a good friend that night in the car on the way home and she almost confirmed my feelings that staying would be OK.
It is at these times, we draw closer to The Lord and seek His guidance and council and only He can establish and re-establish that healthy balance between body, mind, and Spirit, and also the relationships between family and friends.
I can literally tell you, that every time I was surrounded by any of my friends before and after this time had me feeling a complete 180 about staying or going. I was so confused. If I stayed, wouldn't I be like a way stronger person because I learned how to just go it all alone and rely only on The Lord and my own wits to get me through the struggles of motherhood? By alone, I mean without my family. I had plenty of friends… but... you know how it is… with friends it just isn't the same, especially when you are already so close to your family.
I have always felt that friends may come and go, but families are FOREVER! And my family, quite literally, will last me just that long. True, some are blessed to have friends that feel like family, and we are blessed to have those even here... The pull to be closer to family is just too strong for me. It sure has been nice to have Spencer's brother and extended family to visit with these past 5 years! We certainly have grown closer to them! For that I am so grateful.
Anyway, throughout this time I talked a lot with my best friend back home, and we really isolated a lot of my issues with living here.... I am away from my closest friends and especially my family. Ok so maybe two issues… oh and the long, cold winters… not a fan. Although, it is a GREAT place to visit! lol! And now we will have awesome people to connect with when we do!!
I remember that when we had first moved into this neighborhood we just knew and felt that we had finally made it to where we were supposed to be.... I was so happy to be surrounded my such AMAZING people, and they really are AMAZING! You won't find a better group! We really felt like our kids would grow up here. For whatever reason, this is no longer where we need to be. I have learned so much from everyone here, and these last 2 years have proved to be life-altering! We have really settled into how we want to be as a family and how to incorporate the Gospel as the center of our lives. Spencer and I have drawn so much closer to each other and especially to The Lord, and we continue to do so.
I have learned a lot about choices, consequences, and what matters most.
What matters most to me is my family. I have, for as long as I can remember, wanted my children to KNOW their grandparents and cousins and Aunts and Uncles, to learn from them. I want them to feel that strong family bond. I am so happy to be going home. And I am SO grateful this is what The Lord has in store for my family at this time! And I am SO grateful for the life-changing lessons I have learned as a result of the experiences I have had here.
